Judge — October 2, 1915 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Geraldine—The girl who just passed is the one Percy thinks is a great beauty. thousand. Gerald—Is that all > Ballades of a Gay Week-ender—Do You? GO to many a week-end through the year, For, strange enough, I'm rather popular! Were I bereft of invitations, drear Would be my lot. I love a motor-car, Delightful maidens and the evening star I love the moon and the soft country wind; But, coming home from visiting afar, I always leave my razor-strop behind! When I unpack my grip I never fear That I've forgotten socks and shirts that are Expensive as if I had been a peer Or—well, at least the Kaiser or the Czar. I've even put in one long last cigar— My host was royal, infinitely kind; But, if I go to Kent or Zanzibar, I always leave my razor-strop behind! Yes, here are kerchiefs, not so very dear, And ties both beautiful and singular; And here’s that senseless clipping—it is clear I'll never lose that, though I journey far! And here’s that memorandum—stocks at par— T haven't any need of that, I find. And here's my soap—not even half a bar— I always leave my razor-strop behind! L'Envoi Prince, it is true my cheek bears many a scar; Perhaps I'll raise a beard—then I'll not mind If, when I travel like a jolly tar, I always leave my razor-strop behind! —Paul Norman. BEAT Gerald—Indeed ! HAD HIM Candidating 6CLJEVIN’ good jedgment,” remarked Uncle Ozias Pike, “ez like hevin’ a front settin’ room fer comp’ny. You'd orter use et onct ’n a while, Peleg.” “Good jedgment nothin’,” retorted Dea- con Peleg Soames, testily, as he slammed the checker board together and prepared to shut up his store for the night. “’F I hed yer luck, Ozias, I’d quit farmin’ ’n’ bet on th’ hosses.”” “Not hevin’ good jedgment,” resumed Mr. Pike, equably, “ez what keeps most 0” our feller critters outen th’ king row. Like thet young chap thet come here a cander- datin’ fer th’ Baptis’ pulpit las’ summer. “His op’nin’ prayer wa’n't s’ bad, though he laid it on pooty strong about shipwrecked mariners an’ th’ perils o’ th’ deep an’ bein’ brung et last inter safe anch’rage, seein’ ez most on us haint ever seed a dozen boats, barrin’ stunboats. But his sarmints wuz wuss. He gin us a leetle Spurgin, an’ a leetle Talmidge, an’ a leetle Beecher, an’ he hedn’t th’ jedgment t’ let it go at thet. “No siree, he hed 'n idee thet he cud improve on Spurgin, an’ Talmidge an’ Beecher, an’ every time he driv’ off their field an’ begun plowin’ in his’n, ole Mis’ Mehitable Jones ‘d look ’zef she’d swallered ‘er false teeth. an’ Deekin Isrul Snow kinder How much is she worth ? Then Percy can make a dollar go farther than I can. Geraldine—About fifty snort like, so’s ye cud-hear ‘im clean over t’ th’ corners. “Wa-al, after servus, Deckin Isrul— know how outspoke an’ sot th’ Deekin ez? he inquired. “Contrary ez a mewl,” assented Peleg. “Ole Isrul went up t’ th’ canderdate, an’ sez, sez he: “My young brother, how cum ye t’ enter th’ min’stry?’ sez he. ““T seen a vision,’ sez th’ canderdate, ‘a scrold, on which wuz writ th’ letters P. C.’ “*Them air letters, P. C.’, sez ole Isrul, ‘What'd ye take ’em t’ mean?’ Md “Preach Christ,’ sez th’ candidate. “Them letters, P. C.,’ sez ole Isrul, ‘meant plant corn!’ —Albert E. Hoyt. Just Laugh A man who cannot take a joke Should not permit himself to poke Fun at his friends’ own foibles, lest There is a comeback to the jest. And, honestly, we would lose half ‘The fun without an answering laugh—E. D. A Correct Definition The everlastingly busy man, who never got anywhere and staid, went rushing by. “There goes Banger,” said Old Man Smiley, “he’s always at it to get to it and when he gets to it he ain’t at it.” micbooks.com