Judge, 1915-09-04 · page 6 of 27
Judge — September 4, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two separate satirical pieces from *Judge* magazine: **"A Sabbatarian Nut"**: A humorous anecdote mocking religious rigidity. An insane asylum inmate tears his clothes constantly. A doctor offers him ten cents daily to stay clothed—he succeeds Monday through Saturday but tears everything apart on Sunday. When confronted, the prisoner innocently notes the doctor never said he had to work on Sundays. The satire targets strict Sabbatarian observance (religious prohibition on work Sundays) as absurdly literal and counterproductive, even in treating mental illness. **"That First Dive"**: A courtroom satire involving a defendant named Pertwhistle suing a conductor. The conductor allegedly struck Pertwhistle's ear while gesturing to a young lady. The piece mocks legal proceedings' tedium and the predictable jury bias—the jurors are middle-aged, whisker-wearing men; Pertwhistle loans money (implying he's wealthy/credible); the conductor's fiancée sits in court. The setup satirizes how juries favor certain social types over justice. Both pieces exemplify *Judge's* satirical style targeting institutional hypocrisy and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
that they will triumphantly acquit the defendant censure the said Pertwhistle for having an ear, sorter like rain, off to the south’ard, don’t it?” A Sabbatarian Nut RVILLE L. KIPLINGER, chap- lain of the Michigan City, Ind., reformatory, tclls the following in- stance of a scrupulous conscience: s rs ago an insane patient en to the immodest, not to say expensive, habit of tearing his cloth- ing from him and converting jeans, ticking, denim or whatever the clothes were made of, into carpet The p n physician remonstrated with the shredding nut as follows: y, old man, you're certainly making a lot of un. necessary trouble for us. We don’t think it’s fair, Wouldn't you like to make money?” The insane man emphatically averred his willingness to carn ready cash. “Well, D'll tell you what I'll do,” resumed _ the doctor, “LT will give you ten cents for every day you don’t tear your clothes off. Eh?” The offender assented eagerly, and started in to make good. Tuesday his clothes renvained intact; Wednesday, ditto; Friday and Saturday the same. His reformation was the talk of the institution. But on Sunday morning the garments the crazy man had worn all week were torn into strips and thrown to the four winds of his cell. “What does this mean?” asked the indignant physician. “LT thought I had you hired to keep your clothes on and be good “Well,” said) the prisoner, innocently, “you didn't gh We mo Asem suppose I was going to work on Sunday, did you?” —Strickland Gillilan, THAT FIRST DIVE “The conductor puts forth the defence that he was courteously giving information to the occupant of the seat directly in the rear of Pertwhistle, said occupant of said seat behind being # young lady, and the said Pertwhistle, in his desire to learn what was going on, did then and there extend or protrude his car to such an extent that the mistake of the conductor was entirely natural, and that he, the said Pertwhistle, got only what is coming to all who horn in. “The trial has been going on four days now, and there has been considerable entertaining oratory erupted by the Hon.’s on both sides, but that was about as far as they had got to, the last I knew. While, ordinarily, to predict in advance what a jury will do is a task for a Solomon, I shrewdly suspect, as this particular bunch of peers is composed of middle-aged gents well equipped with whiskers, and as the said Pertwhistle loans money and pretty particular about getting his interest, and as the young lady, who is present in court because she is engaged to the conductor, is,as far as J have scen, a regular peach, “Oh, Papa! look at the horse with the bathing suit on!”