Judge, 1915-08-28 · page 11 of 28
Judge — August 28, 1915 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces on courtship, marriage, and gender relations typical of early 20th-century American humor. **"Wise Girl" dialogue** mocks women's selective credulity—Madge claims she doesn't believe everything she hears, then contradicts herself. **"Because"** jokes about marriage selection: men choose wives carefully, yet unhappy marriages result because the woman selected him instead, or he married someone else's choice. **"A Mitten"** (poem by Clinton Scollard) is romantic satire: a suitor woos a woman throughout winter, gives her a mitten to keep her hands warm, imagines eternal love—only to receive a wedding invitation to someone wealthy with his mitten returned as a rejection note. **"Impossible Test"** satirizes divorce court: a woman lost her suit because she couldn't identify her own children among others—absurdist humor about maternal identification. **"Skinny's Philosophy"** offers cynical observations on conscience and boyhood behavior. **"Modern"** makes a brief joke about courtship requiring a "periscope"—likely referencing WWI-era submarine warfare concerns. The overall tone reflects period cynicism about romance, women's materialism, and marriage.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Madge—You don't believe all you hear, do you ? Because 66 MAN usually selects a wife carefully and with discrimination.”” “How do you account, then, for so many unhappy mar- jages?"’ “Because the one he has se- lected usually marries some- body else, and he marries the one who has done the select- ing of him."’ But A man may ES Qccasionally be won by common sense, but it takes incense and nonsense to keep him on the job. Impossible Test Mrs. Wayupp—So you lost your divorce suit? Mrs. Blase—Yes. It wasa shame! They expected me to pass an impossible test in court. Mrs. Wayupp—What was it? ; Mrs. Blase—They placed my two children ina line with ten others and expected me to pick out mine! A woman's idea of economy is to buy something she doesn’t want because some other woman paid more for it last week. I1SE GIRtL Marjorie—Gracious, no! A Mitten WOOED her in the wintertime, And won her, so I thought, forever; She vowed that she was fond of rhyme, And doted on my least endeavor. Her eyes were of cerulean hue; She had a merry way of mocking, And though she loved to dress in blue, She was not a ‘‘bluestocking’’! Sometimes before the sea-coal fire Close side by side our toes we toasted; Sometimes we braved the north wind’s ire, And skated gleefully or coasted. And once, when raged the bitter storm, And she by cruel cold was smitten, To keep her little fingers warm I gave the maid a mitten. She treasured it, or so I deemed, Through days inviolate and vernal; And still within her glance there gleamed A tender light that seemed eternal. And so love's tide flowed on and on, What time the year was at its Juning, And ever in my slumbers shone Fond dreams of honeymooning. But, lo! this morning in the mail I found a wedding invitation, Announcing (ah, the woeful tale!) That she had caught a rich relation. And with the word (alack-a-day !) There was a brief note neatly written. The maiden had but this to say: “*T send you back your mitten!’ Clinton Scollard. Modern With other craft designed to cope, A courtship needs a periscope. Why, dear, | don’t even believe all I say. Skinny’s Philosophy INSCIENCE is what tells us when other people are doing wrong. A boy thinks every dog but his’n is some- thing to throw things at. There is something awful the matter with a boy who looks sad at a circus. + “ Really, Herbert, I think you are foolish to wear your new hat. You know very well that there may be a Zeppelin raid at any moment !"’ comicbooks.com