Judge, 1915-08-14 · page 6 of 28
Judge — August 14, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous short story satirizing the experience of buying a used motor boat—a consumer complaint that would have resonated with early 20th-century readers newly acquiring mechanical goods. The narrator buys a secondhand boat from a smooth-talking salesman, only to discover it's unreliable and temperamental. When entertaining the Bradleys (who hold his mortgage), the engine fails during rain, creating social embarrassment and financial anxiety. The boat is anthropomorphized as stubborn and moody—it "coughs," "holds its breath," and only cooperates when conditions suit it. The satire targets both gullible consumers and unreliable machinery of the era. The joke hinges on the narrator's powerlessness: he can't fix it, can't impress his creditors, and must literally beg the engine to cooperate. It reflects anxieties about modern technology's unpredictability and the social humiliation of mechanical failure.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a) **Why are we stopping here?’’ asked Mrs. Bradley, with noticeable irritation. “I'll see,"’ Lanswered, with my bestcare- lessness, getting down on my knees before the engine. I turned it over, but it did not take the hint. I turned it over again, but it merely raised its head and dropped weakly back. “*What is the matter?"’ asked Mrs. Brad- ley, in the tone of one who has a right to know. ‘ I thought of the second mortgage. “The engine doesn’t seem to be working just right,’’ I answered, with LET aman with a talented = [ tongue sell me a second- hand motor boat. He was gifted in speech and went MOTOR BOAT on to say that it had a lot By HOMER CRoy of pointsthat thenewones | = hadn't. I soon found this out—after I had paid over the money. I found that it was wabbly in the knees and at times showed signs of childishness; but I did not notice this until after the man had locked up his house and gone back to the city. STUCK WITH A SECOND- HAND crossed. The more it sprinkled, the more the boat's true nature began to show itself. It began to rain impulsively. With that, the boat clucked dismally and laid down its hand. One day the Bradleys came over, and proudly we asked them to have aride. Mrs. Bradley owns our second mortgage, and we always make ita point to benicetoher. I turned over the engine, and away we went. Ah, there is no greater thrill in the world than guiding a leaping motor boat across the bosom of a placid lake! I had had a couple of thrills and was expecting another, when I noticed that it was clouding up. In a few minutes it began to sprinkle, With that our boat began to cough disagreeably and hold its breath. I could see that it had been Cholly—I say, portah, how often do the twains stop at this forsaken hole, anyway ? Porter—Only once, mister. After that they start. the air of a person who had thoughtit all out by himself. “TL should say not,’’ she said, with more vigor than elegance. I bent over the engine again, but it gave no heed. It did not even look up. In the course of time it stopped raining. Getting down on my knees once more, I gave the engine another tum. It roused itself from its lethargy and looked around. When it saw that the rain had stopped, it became inter: ested. I gave it another twist, and we were off like an express.