Judge — July 24, 1915 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WO MEN had been arrested in a dry town for drinking, and the prosecuting witness was on the stand, “You say,'’ said the attorney for the de- fense, ‘‘that you saw the men in the field drinking?"" “Yes, sir, I did.”” “Was the field fenced?"’ “Yes, sir."’ “Where were you?"’ “(On the far side of the fence.’’ “Was there a board off that you could see through?”’ “No, sir.’” “Was there a knothole in the fence?"’ “No, sir."” The attorney braced himself for the crushing question that he had ready to launch at the victim whom he thought he had so adroitly cornered. “Now,” he said, banging the table, ‘‘will you tell the court how you could see two men drinking in a field surrounded by a fence with no boards off and never a knot- “Yes, sir,’’ said the witness. “Well, tell it,’’ commanded the attorney impatiently. “It was barbed-wire fence. —W, J. Lampton, Her escort—Can ye wait a minute, mister ‘fore ye explode? We want to get by “Don'ts” for Hot Weather HROUGH the courtesy of Dr. Owl we are able to print the following sound advice for the exclusive benefit of our readers. (Cut this out and put it where you can see it every day.) Don’t eat more than three meals* a day. Don’t sleep with the windows closed. Don't work unless you have to work. Don’t drink bock beer. Don’t drink new cider. Don't wear rubber boots. Don’t travel in the subway unless you want to go somewhere. Don’t wear a Mackinaw coat. Don’t exercise for more than twenty min- utes each morning.t Don’t hurry unless you have to hurry. Don’t wear a raincoat unless it rains. Don’t eat much venison. Don't spend much time at the opera. Don't fall off a roof garden. Don't put too much mint in your julep. Don't get yourself arrested. Don’t read the ‘‘comic’’ part of the Sun- day papers. Don’t neglect all the ball games. Don't worry about the heat. If you must worry, worry about yourself. *A snack at midnight is not a meal, T Limit yourself to dumb bells weighing not more than ten pounds. —Charles Elin, Jr. Some Figuring Madge—I thought you be- lieved in a short engagement? Marjorie—But what else can I do in a case of this kind? I'm not just sure that he really has money. If he’s only four- flushing, a long engagement will have him broke. Calculating Minnie—When I marry, it will be only a man of worth. Lillie—Worth how much, dear? Ops ite The Sad Tale of Percy Pie ‘OUNG Percy Pie contracted cold— A cold that kept him coughing. A cough’s a vice, so he sought advice. Said the doctor, ‘Try some golfing.”” ___¥ 4 —~ So Percy bought some clubs, and soon Great clods of turf was dishing. He cured his cough, but his weight fell off. Said the doctor, ‘‘Take up fishing.’’ Now fishing’s easy exercise; His cup of joy was brimming. He gained in weight, but he drank his bait. Said the doctor, ‘‘Try some swimming."”” oc a vee So Percy water-winged—and quelled The alcoholic menace. The thirst was gone, but his face was drawn. Said the doctor, ‘You play tennis.’’ § VAS Poor lad! He learned to lob and serve, To score in tennis singsong. He got the knack, but his cold came back. Said the doctor, ‘‘Try some ping-pong.’’ Qi) “Not on your life!’’ said Percy Pie. **Your method's just the dub way!"" And now, at length, he keeps his strength By running for the subway. —Charles A. Merz. comicbooks.com