Judge — July 17, 1915 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Brief for Mars TE of things in Europe, as I'd Toei ben to their face, a Js a crying shame, a scandal, a blistering at it has its compensations, as you'll readily agr If you find it to me. When wifey pleads, ‘‘I need a hat,’’ I talk about Von Kluck; When she talks about the butcher’s bill, discuss the Allies’ luck. She found a poker chip to-day and asked me what ‘twas for. I said, ‘‘A souvenir, my dear, of a hero of the war."” If a too convivial evening at the Downtown Club I spend, Ah, then the Belgian troubles are a sorely needed friend! If she argues woman suffrage, of the sub- marine I prate, Or some aerial feat with bombs dramatic- ally relate. ree, half as helpful as it daily is A letter to my mother-in-law should I to mail forget, Inviting her to visit us, no more need I to fret; The baby stops his howling—the floor I needn't walk— And my wife says, ‘‘Tell him of the war— he loves to hear you talk!’” When I oversleep some morning and neglect to start the fire, Some remarks on Kaiser Wilhelm check the ready wifely ire. When she'd fain go to the movies, and I haven't got the price, Atalk on Kitchener's tactics is a masterly device. My neighbor asks, ‘‘ Will Whitman be our coming President?'’ But I rattle on of Joffre till he’s ready to relent. Oh, let up on your meddling, ye advocates of peace! Whatever can I talk about when the war be- gins to cease? —4. EH. Egg View Notes W's WEESE is figuring a lot on getting a divorce from Ag, his wife. He claims that she’s getting so pious here of late that she wouldn't dance, even if a brick dropped onto her foot. Desiring to do his little part in helping to make Egg View a bit more beautiful, Emy Neff, our barber, cautiously ap- proached Truman Bilge yesterday after- noon and asked Truman if he'd stand for a free hair cut. Truman answered by asking Emy if his chair was busted. Believing that writing moving-picture plays is a very easy way to make a living, Witt Larcom has decided to get up and sell for a very high price a strong six-reel sce- nario, in which he will be the only living person able to take hold of the leading part with any display whatever of expert talent. _The agent has kindly volunteered to loan his stop watch to Cylindra Berger, if it will assist her any while racing around at the carnival in Pollywog. —Lestie Van Every. A The Straw is typical of the light bottle as a container for beer. The light bottle is just as capable of withstanding the damaging effects of light, as an army of straw men would be to protect a city against a battery of artillery. Man of Brown Bottle is the Super- dreadnaught in the Brewing Industry —impervious to the damaging ef- fects of light—the best known con- tainer for beer. Drink Schlitz in Brown Bottles, and you have beer pure and wholesome until it is poured into your glass. It costs no more than light bottle beer. See that crown is branded “Schlitz” Order a case today Murray Hill Hotel | THOUSAND ISLANDS, | NEW YORK 1 | ODERN and comfortable. Yacht beach, golf, tennis, dancing. » sort best families. Accommodates 300. | sonable rates. comic! The BeerThat Made Milwaukee Famous motor boating, fishing, fine bathing | Favorite re- Rea- Write for illustrated booklet F. M. ROGERS, Manager books.com