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Judge, 1915-07-10 · page 24 of 28

Judge — July 10, 1915 — page 24: what you’re looking at

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Judge — July 10, 1915 — page 24: Judge, 1915-07-10

What you’re looking at

This page is primarily **advertising and humor anecdotes** rather than political satire. The "Stories with Smiles" section contains four brief humorous anecdotes: 1. **"Such a Long Time Ago"**: A joke about a diner waiting so long for food he forgets his order arrived. 2. **"Easier to Spell"**: A child's joke—when asked to spell "mouse," the boy claims the teacher was actually discussing a rat, dodging the question. 3. **"Sufficiently Humbled"**: Wordplay about a servant tactfully informing his employer that the new cook ate the tinned salmon without directly asking her. 4. **"Was Not Qualified"**: A husband's quip that buttons won't work in his home because his wife never touches anything (implying she's lazy or negligent). These are gentle domestic humor pieces typical of early 20th-century magazines—no political commentary. The surrounding advertisements promote hotels, watches, whiskey, and self-help books, reflecting the page's commercial rather than satirical purpose.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

7 sntb ae FOURTH basal AT PARK AVENUE New YORK An Foote! Designed to Appeal to the nservative Hu Top /NN Aeuport RL. iu | The I | PURE FOOD oN Whiskey As A Pleasant Beverage and A Pure. Wholesome Tonic It Has No Equal. @S$ep50 Amor Month 04: master- mmm pice of watch manufacture—adjusted to the second, positiors, tem- perature and isochronism. * ‘at the factory into your choice of the exquisite new watch cases, 19 Jewel Ait beh Burlington The great Burlington Watch sent oo sinter pest tet ‘oa get thi watch at wholesale jes roe must suet oar. ut et ie cere dl B-247, Distinctive Boston house Some olote trotters have saiit that the Puritan t+ one oF he most attractioe and homelike hotels tn the wor Slagie reome trom 92. Combined sittlag-roem. bed room and bathroom from 94. Sell contained suites, Year ingutiee gladly nonwered tad beebiet malted EF. Cosretto. Manager. Stories with Smiles Such a Long Time Ago—He had just reached the philosophical stage, when he slipped into a restaurant between bars for a bit to eat. He ordered. Then he sat star- ing ahead, quietly thoughtful in expression, and waited. It is admitted he did some waiting, too. What happened to his order couldn't be un- derstood outside the peculiar convolutions of a restaurant kitchen, but he spent half an hour sitting there staring ahead of him. At last it came. As the waitress put the order before him, he started from his deep study, as if he had forgotten he had an or- der coming. Then, looking up at the fair transporter of edibles, he said, “*You don’t look a day older!’'—Pitts- burgh Chronicle-Telegraph. Easier to Spell—Young Arthur, the pride of the family, had been attending school all of six weeks, and his devoted parent thought it was high time he should find out how things were running. So he asked one afternoon, **And what did my little son learn about this morning?’ “Oh, a mouse. Miss Wilcox told us all about mouses.’’ “That's the boy! Now, how do you spell mouse?’’ It was then that Arthur gave promise of being an artful dodger. He paused medi- tatively for a moment, then said, “Father, I guess I was wrong. It wasn’t a mouse teacher was telling us about. It was a rat.'’—Harper’s Magazine. Sufficiently Humbled—Mrs. Mellen did not wish to offend her new cook. “John,” she said to the man servant, ‘can you find out, without asking the cook, whether the tinned salmon was all eaten last night? You see, I don’t wish to ask her, because she may have eaten it, and then she would feel uncomfortable,’’ added the good soul. “If you please, ma'’am,"’ replied the man, ‘‘the new cook has eaten the tinned salmon, and if you was to say anything to her, you couldn’t make her feel any more uncomfortable than she is.’ — Christian Register. Was Not Qualified—‘‘I’'ve been reading an article on electricity, John,’’ said the wife, as she laid down a copy of a technical magazine which she had been perusing, “‘and it appears before long we'll be able to get pretty nearly everything we want just by touching a button.'’ “It will never pay here,’’ growled the husband. ‘You would never be able to get anything in that way.’’ **Why not, John?"’ “Because nothing on earth would ever make you touch a button. Look at my shirt !''—Philadelphia Ledger. Arduous Task— Waverley—What has be- come of Penelope, your attractive friend? Marcella—She has been in a bad way for some time. Waverley—Not ill, I hope. Marcella—Rather. You see, she was voted the prettiest girl in town at a carnival contest a few months ago, and she now has nervous prostration from trying to live up to her reputation. — Youngstown Telegram. New BINGHAM Cor. 11th & Market Streets Peon nrg Modernized jodeled and Equipped “aw MANAGEMENT Cafe and Roof Gardea In Connection Special Club Breakfasts and Rates Wi with Bath, 200 and ayn’ Instam Bunion Relic; Prove It At My Expens: ber Should ferrin Wite Sbootd Mave Write for “Other People’s Opinions” and Table of Cootenta PURITAN PUB. CO., 792 Perry Building, PHILA.,PA Be An Artist AKE Money Drawing Comic Pic- tures, Let the world’s famous cartoonist, Eugene Zimmerman, spill a few ideas into your head. Get the Zim Book—it’s chuck full of valuable suggestions. Price $1.00 postpaid. Bound in 3-4 Morocco. Satisfaction guaranteed. Money back if book re- turned in ten days. Address Zim Book Desk 18 Brunswick Building, New York