Judge — April 10, 1915 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

cama baat fT THE MODERN _W A Spade’s a Spade By ETHE Joy Givers TANDING ROOM ONLY sign to the im- pecunious swain, The Don't Talk War sign, seen occa- sionally. The Don’t Tip sign to the seasoned re- staurateur. The right car sighted after a thirty- minute wait. A car seat to an ugly woman by a person of male gender. An anti-suffragist ready for conversion. A dime to a Fifth Avenue bus conductor. The suffragist who doesn’t know the history of the world. A seat in the subway when you have one more station to go. An entr’acte in the theater when no one goes out on your feet. The phrase: ‘*Oh, yes, I have heard so much of you and your splendid work!" Another phrase: ‘‘Oh, no, I never expect any one to pay a dinner call, Life is too complex these days."’ R. PEYSER Curbside Comments By OREOLA W. HASKELL Aunt Betsey, Feminist Fighting and Females DRUV down to the gineral store to git some pervisions this p. m., and while Al Wheety was a-waiting on me, he grins all over his lean, humly face, and he says, a-trying to be cute, “Ain't you sufferingettes sore over the war?"’ “Don’t you go getting me,’’ says I. ‘‘I'm a gist and allus expect to be. As to the war, I dunno as us sufferingists is any more sore than the gineral public. “Oh, but,’’ says he, ‘‘after the fight, men’ll be so skerce and wimmen so com- mon, females can be bought five fur a cent in Europe."’ ‘That's one way of looking at it,’’ says I; ‘‘but it ain't my way. Aside from the fact that I dunno why in the hull creation anybody’d want to buy furrin females when we git 'em fur nothing through Ellis Island, I reckon that after the war wimmen’Il be in the majority, and the say-so of running the government and things’ll jest naterally have to come from them."’ “Oh,"’ says Al Wheety, looking blank. “IT thought some of going over, thinking a live man with all his anatomy undamaged ‘ud make a hit with the fair sect such as he don't here. But I ain't going over to be bossed. I kin git that right here to hum. But hev you female righters ever thought how unfair ‘tis fur men to be allus the ones to git slaughtered, whilst all wimmen do is to set hum and mebbe snuffle?"’ “*Yes,"’ said I, ‘we've thunk of it. Things 4 Sorrarce Par re wears IVI fp ONE OUNCE OF PACT IS WORTH A TON OF THEORY seem kinder one-sided occasional, though lots of wimmen dies off in wartime, starv- ing, exposure, nursing on the bullet line and heart breaking being kinder hard on their body constitutions. But there was once atime when wimmen was wiped out by heaps. An old feller, Doc Sprenger, says nine millions was hustled into the next world. Kinder a big army. You needn't stare—it was witchcraft done it; and while they was a few wizards throwed in for good luck, most of the witches was female women. So," says I, smiling at Al's gaping face, “‘mebbe we feel as our sect has had its turn."” Suffrage Snapshots ° By IDA HUSTED HARPER HE national anti-suffrage president says, “The extent to which suffrage agita- tion detracts from charitable enterprises is appalling."’ How can that be when that lady herself assures us that the suffragists represent less than ten per cent. of the women? Niaety per cent. surely ought to be sufficient to do the charitable work, if they can spare the time from chasing after the suffragists. They opened a big hotel in Los Angeles a few months ago for men only, and already they announce that henceforth women also will be welcomed as patrons. Funny, isn’t it, when hotels for wom- en only are flourishing all over the country, that the men couldn't flock alone in a single one? “Our only problem now,"’ says the national anti-suffrage president, ‘‘is, Can we make the negative majority large enough to keep the voters from having to vote on it again for twenty- five years?'’ No use to waste any time and money figuring on that prob- lem. The answer is, It can't be done. “If women go into politics, who will do their work?"’ wail the antis. The men can do it, as they've already taken most of it out of the home. The women of England have notified the men who are handing out instruc- tions that they have not the intention of ‘‘taking to the cella enemy lands on their shores. Some of them can prove that they are quite able to do something else. The antis appeal to the legislators to “‘listen to logic instead of the dropping of ballots.’" Impossible! Compared with the thud of those ballots, all other noises sound like utter silence. The president of the New York State antis says, ‘‘Suffrage is going, not coming.” Well, it sure does seem to be going some these days. comichooks, a W\/-— com