Judge, 1915-04-03 · page 6 of 24
Judge — April 3, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces about nostalgia and self-deception: **Top cartoon**: A whimsical mythological scene (mermaid and sea creature) appears decorative, unrelated to the text below. **"The Finest Ever!"**: Two middle-aged alumni reminisce about college, congratulating themselves on taking the easy path ("Omit" as their motto) and avoiding obstacles. They claim to have followed a professor's advice about not overworking, yet can't remember which professor. The satire mocks their self-satisfied revisionism—they succeeded through avoidance, not virtue, yet frame it as wisdom. Their nostalgic recollection of attractive female students ("peaches") undercuts their claimed intellectual seriousness. **"Everybody Plays but Father"**: A servant asks his master whether the master should accompany the ladies to California, suggesting the master is being excluded from family plans—gentle domestic satire about a husband's marginal status in household decisions. The overall theme: complacent self-deception and selective memory among the comfortable classes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“* It's only a few days till baseball.'" “Yes, I've started to he perlite to me boss already. The Finest Ever! 6s)O YOU remember,"’ asked the o!1 grad, back to town for junior week and consorting with the other old grad, same class, ‘‘do you remember the—er— somewhat golden haze of our student days?"" “Ye-ah—when every man was a hurdler and leaped with joy at the prospect of con- fronting an obstacle" **Such as Logic Four,’’ suggested the old grad with the creased forehead, taking a from the stein at his elbow. little “*Ye-ah, I remember.’ steins,"’ humped shoulders, ‘‘these steins make me sip “These said the grad with think of old Prof. Bingus, the philosophy shark—how you and he used to drink by turns from the Stein of Knowledge, and the reproachful look on his face when you treacherously drained the stein—ah, how lifelike!"" “‘H-m?"' said the other. “Ye-ah! “How kind fortune has been to us! How many of our classmates we sce, from our eminence, now bearing burdens which they call rewards—which they have carried from a great distance. These have been in a hurry all their lives; punctuality has wholly consumed The grad with the creased brow spoke: ‘*I well remember the parting at the fork in the roads, and how I faltered at which way to take; but, thank heav- en! I picked the path paved with good intentions and have kept it with great assiduity, ““Omit’ has been my everlasting motto,”’ thoughtfully observed the hump- shouldered grad—‘* ‘Omit’; and while it has not got me anythin; et I have never known another so short and sweet!"" “College days! College days! Bill, EVERYBODY Master of the house—\ understand, Jane, that your mistress and PLAYS BUT FA do you never hear the earnest voice of some professor who told you the beauty of a deathless line of poetry or pleaded with you not to overwork?"" Bill looked proudly into the faded eyes of his ancient classmate. ‘‘Tom, I forget that professor’s name—I remember that I followed the advice, but I can’t place the professor.”” “Well, professor. **No-o, I don’t believe it was. I bet you that little blond it is possible that it wasn’t a as Flossie Hewett, peach “Say! She was a peach! And do you remember Ella Fortescue, that dandy col- lege widow with the black hair and snap- ping ey **Remember! Say! Believe me, Bill, there certainly were peaches in those days! Do you remember Gertie Perkins and Char- lotte Ripp and Stella Lane and Maud Stone and Kitty MacNim and Irene Sloan and ER he young ladies are going to California for a few weeks. Do you—er—bappen to know whether they are planning to take me with ‘em ?