Judge — March 20, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

have considerable time on my hands just now and would be glad to be of service. I rather like clubs myself; they're so jolly to sit around in and explain kaa why you do or do not \ “) — drink."” -- effort to get away, but I tightened my hold on his coat. “Come on now, Joe. You can fix this thing up for me if you want to, I know that!"" I was disappointed in Joe. He tore himself loose and said, ‘I'm in a frightful hurry just now. To tell the truth, I think the membership list has been entirely completed. Besides, your name was brought up at one of the meetings, and Freddie Harris groaned. He's never for- given you for the time you refused to buy the same kind of a necktie he had."* I looked after Joe and reflected upon the bitter truth. I had always known the neck- tie episode would work against me some day, for Freddie was remorseless in his hatreds. But I got in just the same. It came about in a way that was per- fectly satisfactory to everybody but Freddie. He was accidentally thrown from his polo pony and killed. This, of course, left a va- cancy in the ‘membership, and I slipped in. Idon’t think the boys cared any too much, for Freddie was never very popular. There are some very odd charac- ters around these clubs. This is not so apparent when you first join; but if you keep stephen- leacocking around long enough, you are sure to discover them. Club members usually make it a point to cheer one another up at odd moments. In this particular club there was a chap named Hor- ace Bright. Both names were something of a misnomer; he was quite a joke with the fellows who spent their time in senseless wrangling over the Kelly pool table. But my own tastes are somewhat sedentary, and Horace I Ey Joe made an aA — ee "y —_=— and I used to get our heads together and comment upon the loose and frivolous ex- istence of those about us. We used to lie to each other about how good we were and how some day we would make 'em all sit up and give us cognizance. Getting out of clubs is much simpler than getting in. It is so easy that the wonder is more people do not try it. Non-payment of dues is one way, though this does not always work with a popular member. The boys usually manage to patch matters up in some way and keep a good fellow on the lists. Cheating at cards, eating with one’s knife, quarreling with the attendants, whistling popular songs off the key—any of these things, if persisted in, will win back one’s freedom from the stifled atmosphere of the club. I shall never forget how Harry Fenner was dropped from the Summit Club. He was a nice boy in many ways, but had his faults. One of these was imbibing too freely and sleeping on the billiard table, If any of the members happened to want a morning game, Harry always got very rude and surly. These little traits of character were, of course, noticed, and in due time quite a feeling was aroused against him. His actual downfall was unusual. Late one night, when numerous concoc- tions had obliterated his better judgment, Harry flopped into a barber's chair and or- dered his hair cut. “*Will you have the neck shaved round or straight?’ asked the barber. Horrors! In his somnolent state Harry forgot himself and said, ‘‘Round."’ Secretly, furtively the word was passed about the club next day. Harry Fenner had had his neck shaved round! In some communities having one’s neck shaved round is a matter of elegance and good taste. It is also an indication of a good spender, as it costs a nickel more. But not at the Summit Club! No, indeed! IN A POET THIS WOULD BE CALLED TEMPERAMENT