Judge, 1915-03-20 · page 18 of 24
Judge — March 20, 1915 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily a **humorous column** by Lynette Premure offering satirical observations on human nature and social behavior. Rather than political satire, it's social commentary aimed at early 20th-century American readers. Key observations include critiques of: female vanity and poor spelling; marital nagging; deceptive advertising practices (the peach crop anecdote mocking dishonest salesmanship); the corrupting influence of social circles; romantic incompatibility; and parental weakness. The column uses rural/everyday scenarios (peach farmers, fiddle players, automobile trades) to mock universal human failings—hypocrisy, self-deception, and moral compromise. The tone is gently cynical but resigned, suggesting these character flaws are inevitable rather than correctable. The left page features a **Cook's Imperial champagne advertisement** emphasizing patriotic consumption of American wine during wartime (likely WWI-era, given references to "war prices").
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
As Always— you drink champagne for its superiority over every other drink that ever was invented. Now —drink Cook's Imperial Extra Dry for its superiority over all other champagnes; irre- spective of war, war prices and your inability to purchase that foreign label which you used to think represented the acme of champagne goodness. Sold everywhere— Served everywhere AMERICAN WINE Co. Sr. Louis, U. S. A. denon ssa Reet ogre 1c come: at a eget CANOE C BOOK Srkiarts FREE: 1 Rtand acid and fire dlamond test Y So bard they easily scratch a file and witheut gluse Beiiiancy guaras teed 2S years. Movmted in Idk solid gold WiiPsomd yexany eis tines pln of ha ng. Will scod soa,any style Hing. pin or fi allen. all charges pt ia Coy arenes. Bieter ret Funded if mot eatistactory. Write today for free catalog. ‘WHITE VALLEY GEM CO., 773 Walsin Bidg., WRITE MOVING PICTURE PLAYS ‘Constant demand. Devote all or spare time, Course Not Required. DETAILS Aras Protismura Co., 440 brias Bios... Crncrnsant, O- ‘Pest From a Sinner’s Diary OVE is always on the spot. Duty often sags back. The fatal place to wound anybody is in the conceit. I know a woman who would rather be able to spell it than to be able to do it. I know a woman who thinks if she could kill off all the katydids, there’d never be a frost. I know a man who, if he'd find a bullet in his pudding sauce, would think he’d been shot at. Trouble may be off minding her own business, but he'll henpeck her till she’s obliged to take after him in huge gobs. The way we advertise our peach crop is when some one comes for a bushel to cut "em down to half a bushel and tell 'em not to tell for their lives we let 'em have a peach, for they're all promised ten times over. Say! There’s soon a stream of teams and autos! No more delivering to be done. Some company wearies me till I think I'll never go anywhere again, lest I'll be like "em; again somebody comes, and I never think of neglected business, even though there’s money in it. Then I think that by using extreme caution I may be like these and will venture certain places. What you don’t want, you'll get. You can be hoping you won't, but you might as well be figuring that you will. A woman made me a present of a straw hat. Calm days it’s the nicest one I ever knew. Other days I've a notion to call her up and make her chase it. I've neighbored with preachers, optimists, pessimists, schoolma'ams, all kinds, carry- ing all brands of tags and trade-marks— what [’ve missed I expect will come to me —till I'm a regular totem pole. They all try to carve something of their own on and smooth the others off. Akisser and a Roaming nose may seem unequally yoked together, but a nose of that design gets there far enough ahead to scent whether the kisser wants to get in its work. I know a fiddler who laughs much better than he fiddles. His put-you-out-of-debt laugh runs all over the keyboard of merri- ment and strikes never a discord, whereas his fiddling is often very bunglesome and frequently takes a few bars from the front of one tune and puts it in another tune’s alley a week afterward. When brother sells peaches, he takes lit- tle sister along. They see the sample on the seat and think the entire basket runs like that. I know a man who traded his uncle a house and lot for an auto. When uncle saw the property, he didn’t want either. The man was welcome to both. I never try to make anything appear good because I want to do it. I know a boy whose mother has no back- bone and his father’s is crooked. It places him in a peculiar position, but he’s started in to cut and slash and carve the earth off ‘square. —Lynette Freemire. ‘OU would be proud of the ability to mix cocktails as good as these. Our mixers are experts of long experience. But atter how d eamot arg guar cosine in woods Wes sy M re i ary of fines ar - Coe eoeattaia are nerved Areverthesno ness and fragrance of a good cocktail are known and value Alll the popular kinds—at your dealer's G.F.HEUBLEIN & BRO, Mw Hartford New York London Importers of the famous Brand’s A-I Sence The or FOOD és Whiskey ASA Pleasant Beverage A Pure. Wholesome Tonic It Has No Equal. For Sale Everywhere Develop Your Tale pow bays @ dazzling Lachnite Gem. Thelr Brifiance te « ternal they stand fire and acid a ee SES sth, falhcseres oar [he Pt ee ted WAROLD LACHMAN COMPANY WANTED—AN IDEA! © WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? | Protect your ideas, t! you wealth. Write for “Needed Inventions ” 8 a hee Get Your Patent and Your Money.” Patent Attorneys. Dept. 129, Washizgton, D. on