Judge, 1915-03-06 · page 6 of 24
Judge — March 6, 1915 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces about post-WWI American life: **Main Story (Jaxman's Marriage):** A humorous narrative about a bachelor, Jaxman, who discovers married men sleep soundly and decides to marry. After wedding Betty, he finds matrimonial life exhausting—she drags him to constant social events while he desperately seeks sleep. The joke mocks the sacrifice bachelors make upon marriage, portraying wedded life as a loss of personal freedom and rest. **"The War Tax":** A brief joke about a bellhop demanding an additional penny tip because a war tax now applies to fifteen-cent gratuities. This satirizes the intrusive taxation and bureaucratic complications following WWI. **"A Ragtime Yell":** A college class seeks permission to use the author's popular song as their class yell, which he finds insulting—unclear whether the insult involves the song's quality or the appropriation itself. All three pieces reflect post-war American social adjustment and economic disruption.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
> listened to water dripping until the earth must be inundated. I've lain on my stomach, stood on my head and hung by my toes from the footboard, and still T can't sleep."" A heavy bass snore floated over the transom “And there's old Hig sleeping like—like a married man. Egad!"" muttered Jax- man. ‘‘I wonder if there is anything in that? There must be. Ashley, Beckwith, Potter and the rest all began to act that way as soon as they got into double harness. By Jove! Mil try it. I'd better be a married man than a dead one."" Jaxman soon discovered that falling in love was easier than falling off the water- wagon. Whenever in some quiet place, where I could have you all to myself." “TL want you all to myself, too,"’ cooed Betty, stopping his mouth with her soft k. “But wouldn't it be a pity to let s mildew in a bun- ae chi all my handsome cloth galow in some quiet plac wo months after the wedding Jaxman, wearing a hunted expression and consider: ably less than his normal avoirdupois, ar- rived at Higby'’s. ‘‘Hide me, Higby,"’ he begged. ‘If any one calls me on the ‘phone, say that Lam not here.” “Didn't the matrimonial insomnia cure work?" asked Higby, shocked at his friend's worn appearance. “Within two weeks I would fall asleep in my chair before eight o’clock,"” answered Jaxman. wh ** Betty the disconsolate bride ouldn’t let me sleep,"* moaned room. “She had month before we were married, and she wanted to do society, I've been to a dinner, dance, theater party or something of the kind every night since the wedding.” Phe poor fellow's head dropped forward, eyes closed, and his words came thickly. en if the medicine cures—you—may— be—sorry —took—it."" At last he slept. made her debut only The War Tax he seemed to have stopped tumbling, Betty led him to an elevated spot and gave him a look that made him diz- zy-headed. If that failed, she kicked his feet from under him. She had long been sorry for the poor, lonely old bachelor and was glad of the chance to help him. ** Where shall we spend our honey- moon, love?" asked Jaxman, when all else had been decided., “Palm Beach,"* replied Betty promptly. “Oh, not there, dear,"? he protest ed. ‘I was think- ing of a bungalow Encircling movement by right and left wings and complete surrender, all within range of the hostile forty-two centimeters The traveler had just handed a bell- hop a fifteen-cent tip. “‘Excuse me," said the hop obse- quiously, ‘but since the war tax went into effect, there's one cent added to all tips of fifteen cents or over.”” A Ragtime Yell “T don’t know whether to con- sider this asa piece of asininity or a deliberate insult.”” **How nor “The class of 1916 of Hawhaw University asks permission to use my latest song asa class yell."*