Judge, 1915-02-20 · page 8 of 24
Judge — February 20, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines: **"A Dramatic Difference"** contrasts "ham actors" (overacting performers) with struggling "bum actors"—the joke being that ham actors don't care about their terrible reputations as long as they're paid, while genuinely desperate actors would resent the insult. **"Dodging an Argument"** is a marital humor piece: a husband avoids spousal conflict by simply confessing to whatever she accuses him of doing. **"Musical Note"** is a pun: when asked what instrument produces "foot notes," the answer is a "shoe horn." **"Misnomers"** compares female body types as "swell" versus "no" figures. The remaining items—"The Quaint Cow," "Near Thoughts," "Literary Note," "An Appeal," and "Out of Date"—are brief comic observations about cows, education, Longfellow, deforestation, and outdated castles. This represents Judge's accessible, pun-heavy house style mixing social observation with wordplay.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Dramatic Difference 6EMAAMMA, what is the difference be tween a ham actor and a bum actor The careful mother gave the child's ques: tion a moment's profound consideration be: fore replying **Well, my son,"' she said slowly, so that the youthful mind would get the full com- prehension and be able to discriminate thor- oughly through all future time, ‘ta bum actor would indignantly resent being called a ham actor, but ham actor would not care at all how much he was called a bum actor if he could still draw his salary."” His dog—There! Dodging an Argument Crawford—How do you get your wife to believe what you say when you come home late? Crabshaw—I first listen to what she accuses me of doing, and then I own up to it. Musical Note **Here’s a fellow,"* the Answers to Correspondents editor, “who wants to know what musical instrument produces foot note “Tell him a shoe horn, gested the sporting editor. Thank goodness, we'll go home now. A“ swell" figure. “No” figure. MISNOMERS The Quaint Cow SSOCIATION of ideas brings some eccentric notions That tickle up our risibles with very funny motions. For instance, ‘tis a fact to which there can be no objection: A Jersey cow don't use cold cream to freshen her complexion. Near Thoughts The Chautauqua is an educational institution. Even if the patrons learn no more than how to spell and pronounce it, it will not have been in vain. The way to tell whether a distant object in the North Carolina mountains is a stump or a native— watch it. If it move 's a stump. Literary Note Longfellow had just written ‘*Excelsior."" “If Twant to wait,’’ he mused, ‘I might get a big price for this as breakfast-food poetry."’ Heaving a sigh, he mailed the manuscript to his publishers. An Appeal Woodman, spare that tree! Touch not a single bough! You're doing very ill, and I will show you how: If you should cut it down, as seems now your intent, It may be ground to pulp for a comic supplement Out of Date “This ancient castle,"’ announced the personal conductor, **was once the seat of the Norman kings.” “Is it possible?’’ exclaimed Mrs. A. Partment House. ‘*Why, it doesn’t even look sanitary !""