Judge — February 6, 1915 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

le tage hited ina) a Bi Efficiency HE WAVE has caught us in its spread and flopped us to the rights T We shudder at the life we led before we saw the light, ‘And at the folks who will not pause to learn how much they miss, But think they're doing fine because their ignorance is bliss. Eficiency! Efficiency has struck our family! We sing (when we're not arguing) about Efficiency! Now father’s taken up a course in office management And interested all the force, so half their time is spent In poring o’er his hefty tomes, the clerks all fearful they Might sell some pickles, pins or pomes in inefficient way. Efficiency! Efficiency has them on tenter hooks! “\Good-morning!"’ they are scared to say ere looking in the books! And mother’s joined a study club in household economics ‘And hasn't time to order grub to fill our yearning stomicks. She's preached it all to Bridget, too, and bought for her a book, ‘And now our maid's in such a stew, she hasn't time to cook. Efficiency! Efficiency! Enthusiasts are we! We do not feed the baby milk—it gets Efficiency! We never waste a moment spare in any thoughtless pleasure; Instead, we read, with studious care, ‘‘Spare Moments Turned to Treasure."" To theaters we never get (we hope to, though, some day), Because we haven't finished yet ‘‘ How To Enjoy the Play."" Efficiency! Efficiency! We read thee every hour, And more and more we come to see in knowledge there is power, And yet we marvel at the throng of those who never give Our cult a thought, but plug along—we wonder how they live; We marvel that the world could run so many thousand years, When all the folks in it were un-efficient, it appears. Efficiency! Efficiency! How did they do without you? How much more great would Shakespeare* be if he had known about you? Or Napoleon, or Ciesar, or any other who lived in the Inefficient Ages, —Lee Shippey. A Western Tragedy “Tough luck about the last tenderfoot that struck town,"’ said Chuckwagon Cal. ‘What happened to him?"’ “Well, you know he come out here in fear and tremblin’, thinkin’ some cowpuncher here in Cactus Center was sure goin’ to shoot at his feet and make him dance."’ “Yes,"" “And likewise he was sure somebody was goin’ to git him on the hurricane deck of a pitchin’ hoss and bust his neck."’ “Uh-huh.’” “And he was dead sartin that, the fust time he stepped out on the street, some frolicsome blade was goin’ to rope him and drag him half a block jest for fun.’” “Of cours “Well, none of them things happened, and we buried him to- day—jest nachelly killed by the shock of disapp’intment."* —Arthur Chapman. Lazy but Polished “College men may be all right when they start out to earn a living,"’ remarked a business man recently, ‘‘but they should leave some of their niceties of speech in the college. Clinging to choice language will sometimes make an ambitious man seem lazy. I noticed this yesterday when, in response to an advertisement for a clerk, a college chap called on me. “I explained the duties of the job—and they keep a man busy for the whole day and to many seem quite irksome, despite the Sood flat, attached. Then I asked, ‘How would you like a job like at?’ “Nothing would suit me better,’ he replied."” Back to Earth Rankin—Have you never been to Niagara Falls? Phyle—Yes; but I want to go again some day and see the scen- €ry. The first time I went I was on my honeymoon. Gone Flat Again! No sharp report. Just the gradually perceptible jolting that tells of a leaky tube gone flat again. Hot, shadeless road and a dusty, dirty job. That’s the story of*the needless puncture so common with cheap, machine-made tubes that leak around valves and be- come porous in service. The way to avoid these unnecessary punctures is to equip your car with Kelly-Springfield ‘Tubes, which are made slowly and painstakingly by hand and out of real rubber. Kelly-Springfield Tires are made the same way. Use them with Kelly-Springfield Tubes and you will add increased tire mileage to freedom from needless tube trouble. Send for **Documents in Evidence” which tells the experience of others Kelly-Springfield Tire Company Cor. Broadway and Fifty-seventh Street New York Branch Offices in. New York, Chicago, Phila- Boston, St. Louis, Detroit, Cin- n Francisco, Los Angeles, nd, Kansas City, At- anta, Akron, O. cinnat! The Hearn Tire & Rubber Co., Colum- Seifert & Baine, Newark, N. J. bus, 0. Atkinson Tire & Supply Co., Jackson- ville, Fla, Central Rubber & Supply Co,, India- napolis, Ind. C. D, Franks & Co., Charleston. S.C. M. & S. Auto Tire Co., Limited, To- ronto, Ont, Todd Rubber Co., New Haven, Conn, Barnard-MichaelTire Co., Buffalo.N.Y. Southern Tire & R fouston and Beaumor ‘The Boss Rubber Co. rado Spri The Olmst comicbooks.com