Judge, 1915-01-30 · page 12 of 24
Judge — January 30, 1915 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Made in U.S.A." and "Made in Europe"** sections mock American and European stereotypes. The U.S. list ironically claims credit for frivolous or problematic exports (divorces, countesses, gunless armies, votes for women treated as absurd), while Europe produces "havoc" and "widows"—suggesting American superiority despite exporting social problems. **"Our Peerless Products"** celebrates American achievements (Cheyenne's dancing, Harvard football, "white hopes"—likely boxers), comparing them favorably to foreign accomplishments. The "Teddy bear" reference dates this to Theodore Roosevelt's era. **"The Yankee Girl"** celebrates American ingenuity: French fashions are unavailable (likely WWI-era import restrictions), but American women adapt stylishly through "necessity." **The comic dialogues** ("Judge Not," "Hard on Papa," "Unparliamentary") are brief jokes about marriage, professions, and wordplay—standard magazine filler humor. The illustrations show women "thoroughly enjoying the play," emphasizing social life as entertainment.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THOROUGHLY ENJOYING THE PLAY Judge Not HE school of experience isn’t a Sunday school. The people who marry for money earn every penny of it. The man who won't listen to reason may be thinking the same thing about you. The devil rejoices more in one hypocrite than in ninety and nine genuine, Simon- pure sinners. -s. Made in U. S. A.: Countesses. Divorces. Farewell tours. Full houses (poker, not theatrical). Fun. Haste. Irish potatoes. Lecture tours. Liberty. French pastry. Gunless armies. Markets for English authors. Markets for French painters. Markets for German musicians. Markets for Russian dancers. Menless navies. Needy diplomats. Money. Noise. North Poles. One-thousand-dollar-a-year professors. Pork. Press agents. Oriental rugs. Panama Canals. Peace treaties. Pugilists. Slang. Time. Turkish cigarettes. Trains. Twenty-thousand-dollar-a-year ball players. Votes for women. Waste. The Only Thing We Do Not Make: Trips to Europe. Made in Europe: Claims. Counts. Havoc. Heroes. Marked advances. Orphans. Strategic retreats. Widows. Sudden dashes. Afraid To Risk It Miss Withers—Do you think you could come anywhere near guessing my age? He—Not with any degree of safety. Our Peerless Products HE. French excel in twisting curls, The Germans making toys; But who can beat Cheyenne’s Or Harvard's football boys? The Spanish do a thrilling dance, Of which they love to talk They haven't seen the classy prance, To wit, the Castlewalk. \ The Argentino brags of beef; It leads the world, he vows. But our ‘*white hopes,"" ‘tis my belief, Would outweigh all his cows. From Africa, so hot and dark, Come animals not rare— The common kinds that filled the ark. We raise the Teddy bear. —Terrell Love Holliday Near Thoughts Be sure you are right, and then ask the ‘ * conductor. The Yankee Girl When the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth VER the sea ss Rock, they made a dent on that bowlder From “‘gay Paree that shows yet. No longer come the modes; No chic chapeaux Nor French-cut clothes Arrive at our abodes. But native wit Does not permit These things to cause dismay; The Yankee maid Is still arrayed In garments smart and gay. **Necessity, My dears,"’ says she, **Has mothered styles this year, And you'll admit I'm looking fit And not the least bit queer.’” Lida Keck Wiggins. Hard on Papa Little Elsie—My pa- pa’s a minister, and that is hest. Little Grace—My pa- pa’s a lawyer, and that’s best, too. Little Elsie—No, your papa is not a really lawyer; he just practices law. But my papa is a really minister, because he just preaches and never practices. My mamma says so. Unparliamentary Mrs. Tiff—You say your husband is un- parliamentary? Mrs. Huff—Yes; he's always out of order.