Judge — January 23, 1915 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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Tremendows demand ¢ used by 39,000 movie theatres changing program daily accounts for this unusual offer. It costs nothing investigate. Rend post eard or letter at once. while this ner Insta, & tiie Postsolaye,”* Elbert tasare: Dex TT2LM Chicago’ WHITE Yalléy GEMS Siri Stand acid and fire diamond test. So hard they easily scratch a file ai willcut glass, Brilliancy guaran- teed 25 years, Mounted in Mk solid gold i zamination— all charges pre) joney retuned If met xatlal WilTE VALLEY CEM CO. 995 Walia Bide, Indianapolis WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? | Protect your ideas, they may bring you wealth. Write for “Needed Inventions” and “How to Get Your Patent and Your Money.” Rando.ph Patent Attorneys, Dent. 129, Washington, D.C. & Co., Passing the Mustard A Devoted Mother—‘‘She'’s a devoted mother."’ “Isn't she? For weeks she’s been ing and getting Susie ready for college “Well, she'll have a rest after her daugh- ter goes."" “Will she? After Susie goes, her mother will be just as busy getting a lot of clothes ready for her to come home.’’—Cleveland Plain Dealer, Her Authority—'‘So you come from New York,’’ said an English lady to a traveling American. ‘‘I supposed, of course, you came from Boston."* “Why did you think that?’’ inquired the New York lady. ‘*Because I supposed all cultivated, in- telligent Americans came from Boston."" “But what in the world made you think that?’’ was the natural question. “Oh, I don't know exactly. I think it was a Boston lady who told me.’"’"—Christian Register. Business and Pleasure—Mrs. Rankin— When it comes to resourcefulness, you can’t beat Mrs. Amley. Mrs. Phyle—What do you mean? Mrs. Rankin—When she wants to scrub her front porch, she fastens a couple of brushes on the feet of her little boy Wi and lets him pretend he is roller skating in the soapsuds.— Youngstown Telegram, Warning—‘‘ What are you cutting out of the paper?’’ **An item about a California man secur- ing a divorce because his wife went through his pockets. ‘*What are you going to do with it?” “Put it in my pocket.’* — Everybody's Magazine, The Usual Place—‘‘You may talk as much as you want to,’ she declared, **but I know that men are wickeder than women are. I confidently expect that when I get to heaven, I will find the place principally in- habited by women."’ “I don't doubt it, my dear,’” answered the"man. ‘‘That will be your punishment."” “Don’t be funny. Where will you-men be, then?"* “We shall be found, as usual: smoking-room on the floor below. York Post. Habit—‘‘ Ever since you've been in town,”” said the city relation, ‘‘ you've been going to a soda fountain two or three times a day and ordering lemonade."’ Yep,’’ replied Farmer Corntossel. habit’s a habit." **But you don’t drink the lemonade.’" “T don't want it. I'm willin’ to pay the nickel so as to get a straw to chew.”’— Washington Star. in the —New “A Consoling—She was very much in love with him, and one evening while they were alone, she asked, ‘‘Frank, tell me truly. other girls, haven't you?"’ “Yes,"’ replied the young man; ‘‘but no one you know.'’—New York Times. You have kissed Attractive Prospect—‘‘Where are you going?"’ **To call on Mrs. Wallaby-Wombat. Bet- ter come along. I understand there are some very interesting things to be heard” **How so?"’ “She has just quarreled with friend.'’—Pittsburgh Post. her be No Spendthrift—Tall blonde— ? son fellow is a cheap skate, That Un. Short brunette—Indeed? Tall blonde—What do you think he é4 when he found the prices at the Gem Re | taurant were higher upstairs than down? Short brunette—What did he do? Tall blonde—He wanted to eat in ty | cellar!— Youngstown Telegram, One Shy—Brown (on fishing trip)—Boy, the boat is sinking! Is there any one here who knows how to pray? Jones (eagerly )—I do. Brown—All right. You pray, and the rest of us will put on life belts. They'r one shy.—New York Globe. Bored—'‘I saw a war picture, and one of the soldiers on the firing line, amid burg. ing shells and dead and wounded men, wa yawning."” “*He was probably a football player tp whom his surroundings seemed tame."~ Houston Post. Arboreal—‘‘He is always talking abog his family tree."’ **Yes,"’ replied Miss Cayenne. “I hae been interested in it. It is one of thoe trees which get shadier as they grow older.” —Washington Star. That Awful Certainty—'‘It'sa great this to have a wife you can depend. upon." **Do you mean yours?”* “Sure. I can depend upon her to exceed her allowance for next month,’'—Philadd phia Ledger. A Remedy—‘‘She doesn’t like her new gown. It’s pretty and all that, but se thinks it still needs something to impror its shape."’ “Well, why doesn’t she let some othe girl wear it?'’—New York Sun. Averaging Up—Church—I see the Unite States has nine telephones to each one he dred inhabitants. Gotham—And do ninety-one neighborsue yours?— Yonkers Statesman. Civic Pride—Machine politician—I mete man from New York to-day who says po ics there is more crooked than ever. Second ditto—Well, there’s nothing lit civic pride.—Philadelphia Ledger. His Luck The rhymester’s meter was so poor, It threatened his displacement. “I wish ‘twould run as fast,’’ he said, “*As that one in the basement.” —Elizabeth Daily Journal. In Boston A New Yorker—or a denizen of any othtt more or less benighted town—wishing ® take a street car in Boston will disco that a car bearing the sign ‘Prepayme is just an ordinary pay-as-you-enter vehice If he should see one car drawing another— in vulgar parlance a‘‘trailer’’—and did ot understand the sign ‘‘Prepayment-artie lated Car’’ thereon, any Boston polices will assist his education.