Judge, 1914-12-26 · page 15 of 25
Judge — December 26, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical story lampoons consumer fraud and retail dishonesty. Colonel Beanfugle praises an ordinary citizen as a "hero" for standing up to a butcher who uses deceptive scales to short-weight customers. When the butcher carelessly tosses bacon on the scale, the colonel demands he wait until the indicator settles—revealing the meat is significantly underweight. The joke's irony: Beanfugle calls this act of basic consumer vigilance heroic, suggesting such fraud was rampant and most people too passive to resist it. The punchline undercuts him—his own wife discovers he brought home short-weighted meat anyway, implying either his confrontation failed or butchers were universally cheating. The accompanying cartoons ("Pretty Hard Lines" and "That Broken Look") appear to be unrelated domestic humor vignettes typical of Judge magazine's format. This reflects Progressive-era concerns about business dishonesty and working-class vulnerability to merchant exploitation.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FEMPUS | THE LONG DISTANCE CHAMPION OFF ON ANOTHER LAP Colonel sa] MET a hero to-day,” said Colonel Beanfugle, ‘‘and I took my hat off to him.”” “Was he one of the survivors of the war in Europe?" queried Mrs. Beanfugle. “Not much!"' declared the colonel. ‘‘He was a plain American citizen, who had Beanfugle’s Ry ARTHUR CHAPMAN “*T think that calls for another slice or two of bacon, doesn’t it?’ queried the lit- tle man. But the butcher already had them cut and tossed them onto the scale, bringing the indicator just to the pound mark. One could hear his teeth grind- ing with suppressed rage, till the noise sounded like a cement crusher Operating in the next block. “*Blankety-blanked crank, ain’t he?’ growled the butcher to me when the little man had gone out cheerfully. ‘No, he isn’t,’ I replied. ‘He's aman of cour- age, and if there were more like him, the American peo- ple wouldn't be swindled out of mil- lions every week by you fellows behind the counter.” “So saying, I gathered up my PRETTY HARD LINES never shouldered a musket in his life, I should judge. But he had the courage to call down the butcher for short-weight- ing him. He bought a pound of bacon, and the butcher threw it on the scales in the careless manner his class affects. The indicator fluttered around the pound mark, but the meat was grabbed off the scales before the pointer settled down. “**Put the meat back again,’ said the lit- tle man, ‘and wait till the indicator stops.’ “The butcher did so, about as cheer- fully as a farmer pays over money on a lightning-rod contract. When the indi- cator stopped, it was two or three marks short of the pound. bundle of meat and left, and I noticed that the butcher looked pretty well dazed when I left.’’ “Well, let’s see what your meat weighs,’’ said Mrs. Bean- fugle, throwing the colonel’s bundle on the kitchen scale, “Including paper and string, you are three and one-quarter ounces short of a pound. You must have frightened that butcher so that he couldn't see how much, or rather how lit- tle, his scales were register- ena Butcher bobbed around the pound mark, but you bet I'll be ready for that butcher next time.’’ ‘‘Humph!’’ sniffed Mrs. Beanfugle. “If you ever bring home a full pound of meat, I'll buy a medal for you.”’ That Broken Look “*How did you guess I was having finan- cial troubles? “I noted the change in your face.’’ It requires more than a swelled head to fill the boss’s job. HCH ing.” “It was just because I didn’t have my glasses on,’’ said the colonel. ‘‘I couldn't catch the flash of that pointer when it Neaelywed— Mrs. Newly that wasn’t painted ? tera 16m * My angel, I wish you wouldn't paint. zued—Now, Jack, have you ever seen an angel comicbooks.com