Judge, 1914-12-19 · page 7 of 24
Judge — December 19, 1914 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century Judge magazine: **"His Loss"**: A dialect-heavy joke about a groom ("Ivory Washington") losing enthusiasm at the altar. The humor relies on period stereotypes and the punchline that he's "lost his enthusiasm"—playing on contemporary anxieties about marriage commitment. **"Miss Green"**: A romantic poem by Clinton Scollard about a woman whose name doesn't match her appearance. The "joke" concerns changing "Miss" to "Mrs."—implying marriage transforms identity. Fairly lightweight romantic satire. **"A Prosperous Scheme"**: Social commentary on entrepreneurship. A man profits by recruiting business students for athletic classes at five dollars annually, then dismisses them after two weeks to recruit a new class—pure turnover-based fraud. This satirizes get-rich-quick schemes and dubious business practices of the era. The bottom panel about "Miss Bachelor the suffragette" and the Christmas marriage joke are brief social commentary typical of the magazine's lighter content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE RIVAL BARKERS ON THE BIG CIRCUIT His Loss es] UES yo’, Ivory Washington,”’ sol- emnly inquired good old Parson Bagster, ‘‘take dis ’ooman, Gladys Gug- gles, to be yo’ lawful wedded wife?"’ “IT dunnuh, sah.’” “Yo’ dunnuh! Yo’ comes yuh to git mar’d, and den dunnuh what yo’ wants! Has yo’ done lost yo’ mind?”” “No, sah; but I’s sawtuh lost muh 'thusi- asm.’" “Knowledge is power" originated with the blackmailer. ‘When Miss Bachelor, the noted suffragette, tied her shoestring —— Miss Green ER NAME was Mabel--Mabel Green— And yet somehow it did not fit her; For in her eyes there shone the sheen Of violets that gleam and glitter. Her cheeks were pink anemones— No lovelier you may encounter— A very banquet for the bees. There was no trace of ‘‘green’’ about her! Her brow was like a lily flower Upon a summer morning sunny; Her hair was like the golden dower Of kingcups with their hoarded honey. Her name, it seemed a shame, I ween, Her red lips were so shaped for kisses; And so I blotted out the ‘‘green,’’ By changing Mabel’s Miss to Mrs.! Clinton Scollard. TIED A Prosperous Scheme es )OING any good?”” “Yep. Got a business men’s ath- letic class. Tuition, five dollars a year.’” “Well, those rates are attractive, but too low to pay you.’’ “You don’t get the idea. out in about two weeks, another class.’” They all drop Then I start At Christmas Now sad, indeed, is the married man’s lot, And he finds that his wife is strange. Though she never means less than a twenty spot, She will ask for a little change. —J. J. O'Connell, — little did she suppose that she was hitched to the worst woman-hater in town, comicbooks.com