Judge, 1914-12-05 · page 8 of 36
Judge — December 5, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This story satirizes early 20th-century progressive/scientific parenting trends that prioritized hygiene, education, and rationality over tradition and sentiment. Little Doris receives no toys or magic—instead, a German grammar, compass, and "wall texts." Her day involves germ-killing sprays, electric ray baths, gymnasium on an "automatic camel," and food reduced to flavorless capsules. Even Christmas dinner is sterilized and stripped of charm. The satire peaks when Doris visits an orphan asylum as "pet charity"—a fashionable but detached practice. The orphans, lacking "hygienic advantages," are portrayed as happier and more human than the scientifically-optimized Doris. The joke: modern efficiency and education have eliminated childhood wonder, tradition, and genuine human connection. The cartoon mocks how obsessive sanitization and rationalism can destroy what makes life meaningful, even for privileged children.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
wae “Oh, Mame, see where that absent-minded Santa Claus put my Christmas doll!” The Holiday Uplift By KATE MASTERSON ITTLE DORIS woke to another l Christmas morning. The trained nurse stood by the antiseptic hammock bed and sprayed the child's eyes with some early germ killer, and froma mantel in the adjoining nursery brought the patent sanitary stocking filled with its useful gifts. There was a German grammar, a com- pass in a neat case, a map of China, a diary, some wall texts and a picture of George Washington. These, the nurse explaired, had been placed by Doris’s parents, and the child laughed heartily at the idea of the old Santa Claus wheeze that children used to believe in. “*Fancy that!'’ she said, as she went to the electric cabinet, where she took her ray bath, after which she was rubbed down with bran before gymnasium exercise on the back of an automatic camel. Deep breathing and a Froebel lesson followed. Then she had a breakfast of shredded hay and milk, onatray. A short recess followed for religious meditation and prayer, after which Doris received her parents in the nursery, which was deco- rated with garlands of artificial dustless holly and mistletoe. “What a perfectly lovely occasion !"’ the little lady said, making a deep cour- tesy to them both, Dinner was served in the new way, the food being all of the certified pure kind, tasteless and without shells, crumbs or pits of any kind. The meats and vegeta- bles were in the form of concentrated cap- sules, swallowed in hulf tumblers of water. It was a pretty color effect, and the grouping of tints in the bonbon dish THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS—FATHER was most charming. When this was over, Doris was taken out to see her pet charity, which took all her pocket money and which she knew to be a noble work. The place was an orphan asylum. It was all horri- bly common, as the nurse explained, as the children, being orphans, were bereft of the hygienic advantages of the Christ- mas uplift. The orphans preferred it that way, the nurse explained, because they knew no better, Education had done away with all this sort of thing. The nurse waved her hand at the table TAKES PRECAUTIONS