Judge — December 5, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From a Sinner’s Diary HEN why don’t you? . T In the afternoon the farmer forks in aton of $14 hay. The next forenoon he shovels out a ton of $1 fertilizer. Where's the $13? My pa dearly loves to churn. If you wheel the churn out, he hears it as quick asthe cats do when you whet a butcher knife. Brother says he has one hundred hens, and they all have different nests and change their nests every day. 1 know a man who, as long as he has a dollar, will be trying to sprinkle it on some rainbow’s tail. I know a cow so poor the dogs gnawed r Mths factory that turned me out didn’t put any brakes on. You'll have to apply yours. I know a man who goes to the store and sits around cold days. He says he hates to go home and see his family suffer. I know a woman who snores so it keeps her awake. It rained so much I had to dig part of my strawberries with the potato fork. Not the kind you've always dug potatoes with, dears, When the son was over and I turned off my pickers, the cham- pions went home to pick potato bugs to keep in practice. I had between fifty-five and one-half bushels less one quart and fifty-five and one-half bushels plus one quart. They came to between $149.15 and $149.17. A woman canned thirty- two quarts and a pint out of one of my bashels. You can see what measure I give. If you make ready some vines, the Lord is real apt to hang on some berries. In other words, Nature will wear a b tle. Tie it on for her where you want it. Suicide itself is all right. It’s the rocky road leading to it that is deplor- able. Since you don't know which these roads are, 'twould be best to smooth them all what you can while working out your poll tax on life's highway. Don’t stir up too many facts. You're apt to set some loose that'll head your way. I know a man that everything works for. If an army worm tackled his oat crop, he'd take that worm and catch a two-pound black bass with it. Inever had much of a ‘‘poker face.’’ You could always tell by the way I grinned when I held pedro. Everywhere plows are making choco- late-colored trails. And the 1914 oat stubble will be 1915 wheat stubble. ‘‘For Nature forms and transforms and re- transforms’ and_re-re-re-re-re-re-trans- forms “‘foreve What did you and I used to be? What'll we be next time? That's all; only we've had a bad drouth and pulled our beans to break it. I know aman who says —and believes—that beans have ruined Michigan’s climate. I sup- Pose the only way you know beans is when they appear baked in a mummy-colored pawt,"’ with a drop of peanut butter on top and a spoonful of currant jelly set at the proper angle on the mantel. They go through several stages before that, at which I'm helping between showers. Lynette Freemire. Be Somebody’s Santa Claus With a Bottle of Duffy's Pure MaltWhiskey to remember at this joyous season. people find a bottle of Duffy’s Pure Malt Whiskey ver: ptable, It is the standard of pur- ity and excellence since 1860, and one of the world’s greatest tonic stimulants. y doctors prescribe this wonderful tonic to stimulate and strengthen the digestive organs, the ravages of disease and old age. tine Duffy's Pr caled bottles at $1.00 a large bottle, by drug- gists, grocers and dealers. Should our friends for any reason be unable to secure it in their locality, we will have it shipped to them from the nearest dealer, express prepaid (cash to accompany order) at the following prices: 4 Large Bottles, $4.30 6 Large Bottles, $5.90 12 Large Bottles, $11.00 Remit by express order, post-office order, or certified check to THE DUFFY MALT WHISKEY CO. 126 White St., Rochester, N. Y. friend whom you would lik You must have some dear old TG" You Help THE SALVA. TION ARMY LASSIES =" Throughout the United States to Supply 300,000 Poor People with CHRISTMAS DINNERS? Send Donations to: Commander MISS BOOTH 118 W. 14th Street, New York City Western Dept. Commissioner Estill, 108 N. Dearborn St. Chicago “JUDGE” Printers of Te Art Color Printing Co. Fine Color and Magazine Printers The Art Color Building 209-219 West 38th Street New York City TELEPHONES 6476— 6477 — 6714 GREELEY | comicbooks.com