Judge — December 5, 1914 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

bo MLE ne ines a Ip RF hac Bas & Stories with Smiles Appropriate—A wealthy but miserly baronet was celebrated for having a magnificently decorated dining-room, while his viands were very few. A celebrated wit was invited to dine on a certain occa- Sion, and the host asked him if he didn’t think the room elegant. Yes,’ was the reply; ‘‘but it is not quite to my taste.” “And what change would you make?’’ asked the host. “Well,’’ answered the wit, ‘‘if this were my house, you know, I would have,"’ looking at the ceiling, ‘‘less gilding and,’’ here he glanced furtively at the table, ‘‘more carving.’’—Tit-Bits. Why Fish Are Brain Food—The two vacationers had fished an hour without a nibble to reward them for their patience. “Ata time like this,’ said the first man, “old Izaak Walton would have indulged in philosophy. Have you anything philosoph- ical on your mind that you might work off just now to relieve the monotony ?"” “Nothing but this," replied the other man. “I suppose it is by refusing to bite and compelling fishermen to philosophize that fish get the reputation of being brain food.""—Newark News. Fow] Names—The fat plumber was in a philosophical mood. “There is simply no understanding woman,” he observed. “‘Whaddye mean, understand?” the thin carpenter asked, just to start the conversation. “Well, for instance, a woman doesn’t object to being called a duck." “No.” “And she even smiles if some one happens to refer to her as a chicken.’” “Too true. “And most of them will stand for being called squabs, broilers or turtle doves.’" “Yes, yes; but what’s the idea?”’ ist this,’’ the fat plumber exclaimed. ‘‘A woman ob- jects to being called a hen, and a hen is the most useful bird of the whole blooming bunch.’"— Youngstown Telegram. Losers and Finders—A lawyer having offices in a large office building recently lost a cuff link, one of a pair that he greatly prized. Being absolutely certain that he had dropped the link somewhere in the building, he posted this notice: “Lost—A gold cuff link. The owner, William Ward, will deeply appreciate its return.’” That afternoon, on passing the door whereon this notice was posted, what were the feelings of the lawyer to observe that ap- pended thereto were these lines: “The finder of the missing cuff link would deem it a great favor if the owner would kindly lose the other link."’—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. In Case It Didn't Work —‘‘Johnnie!"" “Yes'm."" “Why are you sitting on that boy’s face?”’ “Why, ['—— “Did I not tell you to always count a hundred before you gave way to passion and struck another boy?’’ “Yes'm, and I'm doin’ it; I'm just sittin’ on his face so he'll be here when I’m done countin’ the hundred.’’—Houston Post. How She Talks—‘*When yo’ has a quah'l wid yo’ wife, do she pout and sulk or do she talk back, Brudder Rumpus?” “She te back, sah! And she not on’y talks back, but she talks front’ards and sideways and acrost and endways and diag’nal and round and round, and den she comes all de way back an’ repeats herse’f. Aw, yassah; she sho’ talks back !"’—Kansas City Star. Art in Cleveland —We went up to the Claxton Building the other day to call on an artistic friend. Perhaps we have expressed our- selves badly; we do not refer to a person who makes an art out of friendship, but to one who by his painting gains friends. Anyhow, we called on this fellow and found him doing a war dance about his studio. “What on earth has happened?” we asked. “I've sold that painting!" he cried “Fine!” said we. ‘*What are you going to paint next?”’ “The town!" And he did.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. A CHRISTMAS GIFT THAT NEVER FAILS TO PLEASE “1 know Santa Claus has been here. See what he left in my stocking.” MURRAY & LANMAN’S (The Original, Centary-old ) Florida Water is just as welcome and seasonable a gift this Christmas as it was a hundred years ago. Delightful for Handkerchief, Bath or Dressing-table. Sample size mailed for ox te tampa. Ask for boo Manwat ‘of Heaitls and Beauty”. LANMAN & KEMP, 1365 Water St.,New York Learn to Draw Properly We teach you how to draw from nature; how to proceed step by step, the right w: We send you this instruction by mail and your individual training comes under the per- sonal supervision of some of foremost illustra- tors—men of internationa reputation. This school has been established 11 years and has developed many first-class illustrators who are today earning good in- comes from their art. We cannot handle at many students, so, if you are in- terested, write immediately for terms and particulars. Studio of Pictorial Art (Inc.) 172 Fifth Avenue New York ESTABLISHED 1903 comicbooks.com