Judge — December 5, 1914 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

of ged en The Necktie and Christmas By KENNETH L. ROBERTS HE NECKTIE, whether of the four- T jn-hand or vest-button-tangler vari- ety, the bow or ¢ in-duster species, or the flop-eared or artistic sort, is an article of wearing apparel whuse value is sadly unappreciated. An announcement to the effect that neckties could be obtained nowhere on our restless and pugnacious planet after acertain date would occasion no fuming —no fretting—no carking. It is prob- able that there wouldn’t be any fumes in sight, except those which were seeping from the distilleries, and that you could page every hotel between Erie, Pa., and Worcester, Mass., without unearthing a singlecark. People simply wouldn't cark. Announce that trousers could neither be made nor worn after a certain date, and the ullalullas, the anguished whoops and the poignant shrieks which would straightway arise would shake down the ceilings of every home west of the At- Iantic coast. Abolish shirts, and the de- lirious ravings of an infuriated world would ascend with sufficient force to crack the crust of the sun. Place a ban on shoes or collars or coats or stockings or suspenders or collar buttons, and a hue and cry would result which would throw all former hues into the heavy shade and make all previous cries sound by compari- son like the timorous chirp of an ailing catbird. But put the necktie on that which Victor Hugo was wont to refer to as the commencement de la fin and Henry James as the skids, and the civilized world would go about its business as carefree as a grig, which is the very essence of carefreeness, and as undepressed as a Habbard squash, which is reputed to be one of the most consistently vivacious members of the mineral kingdom, For all that the world cares, the necktie can take a long, running jump into the middle of the twelfth century B. C. and stay there. This is because the civilized world has never sat down in the seclusion of its bedchamber, kicked the cat out from under the bed, stifled the metallic clack- ing of its eighty-five-cent alarm clock ° under three pillows, and pressed its bulge- knuckled hand to its alabaster brow in an effort to concentrate its so-called mind upon the necktie. The necktie rounds out the garb of the ordinary male civilian when he is clothed and in his right mind. It is the final ounce of steam which blows him from the ranks of the dubs, the rummies, the yokels, the yeggs, the porch climbers, the cigar-stub gatherers and the alley habitues, and drops him with a dull thud, 80 far as appearances are concerned, into the ranks of the r gular guys. A person who sought to negotiate a loan atone of our leading banking institutions GREAT WEAK SPRING WATER. “its has made it famous.” We the ease of wit class stopnered bottles [AD¥T. The Cost of a ‘Telephone Call ID you ever think how much it costs to give you the telephone right-of-way anywhere, at all times? Your telephone instrument, which consists of 130 different parts, is only the entrance way to your share of the vast equipment necessary in making a call. Your line is connected with the great Bell highways, reaching every state in the union—with its poles, copper wire, cross arms and insulators in the country; its under- ground conduits, manholes, cable vaults and cables in the cities. You have the use of switchboards costing upwards of $100,000,000. You enjoy the benefits of countless in- ventions which make possible universal telephone talk. Your service is safeguarded by large forces of men building, testing and repairing lines. You command at all times the prompt attention of one cr more operators. How can such a costly service be provided at rates so low that all can afford it? Only by its use upon a share-and-share-alike basis by millions of subscribers, and by the most careful economy in construction and operation. A plant so vast gives opportunity for ruinous extravagance; and judicious economy is as essential to its success as is the co- operative use of the facilities provided. That the Bell System combines the maximum of usefulness and economy is proved by the fact that in no other land and under no other management has the telephone become such a servant of the masses. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One System Universal Service ry means a P. m: Calls may be made or however far apart Subscribers My $3.00 Exerciser Reduced to $7] :00 Until further notice I will send one complete MUSCLE BUILDER OUTFIT © §. to any reader of Junce upon receipt of $1.00—just one-third the reg- will also include a complete bod + eak of strong—man, muscle in the body. JEST EXPANDER ALSO extra handle, without charge, by e converted into a most AC eff lung: order today. PROF. ANTHONY BARKER 9 Barker Building, 110 West 42d Street, New York t Expander to ed fe oping the chest and vantage of this opportunity while it lasts, Send your comicbooks.com