Judge — December 5, 1914 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lady Barber—Next! Breaking It Gently By TERRELL LOVE HOLLIDAY ««]TOHN,"’ remarked Mrs. Teewood, one evening a week be- fore Christmas, ‘‘I have good news for you.’’ John looked pleased. He thought she must have learned how to save a nickel. “What is it?’’ he smiled “T've decided that you need not buy me a Christmas present this year.’” That sounded too beatific to be entirely ious. John began to hunt for the joker. “Why not, leve?’’ he desired to be in- formed. “You remember that last year I gave you a twelve-dollar safety-razor set,'’ re- minisced Mrs. Teewood, ‘‘and you presented me with a tin, brass-plated fern dish that came from the twenty-nine-cent counter of the ten-cent store."’ The safety valve of the pocketbook admitted that he never could forget it. “The year before,’’ continued the gold-bricked half of the connubial pair, ‘‘out of my meager allowance I invested ina satin-lined smoking jacket and a box of the best cigars you ever smoked, I was the recipient of a handsome, silverine shoe horn—about nineteen cents, I should judge. You were not so extravagant that year.’’ The watchdog of the treasury hung his head. “So this year,’’ concluded Mrs. Teewood, ‘‘you must not give mea present. 1 cannot afford it.’’ Mr. Teewood finally glanced up with the appealing air of a whipped puppy. ‘‘It wouldn’t seem much like Christmas with- out any gifts,’’ he demurred. He was certain to lose by such a plan. ‘Would you like to select your own?”’ “That would be nice,’’ she approved. “TI should, of course, want to fix a price limit,’’ he added hastily. “At what figure?” “Seven-fifty,’’ he timidly ventured. She nodded a vigorous negative. veri “Nine,”’ he raised, after briskly massaging his pocket nerve. Another wigwagged No. “Ten,’’ he bid, having produced partial anesthesia of the pocket nerve by strangulation. “‘No,"’ firmly refused Mrs, Teewood. John sank into despair. What he wanted cost eleven dollars, and if he came up on hers, the margin of profit would be wiped out. “It will be a rotten Christmas,’’ he mourned. “To tell you the truth, John,’’ imparted.his wife, ‘‘I have already bought my ‘present, had it charged to you and delivered.”’ ‘How much?"' he gasped, looking for a soft place to fall. “Fifty dollars !’" When Mr. Teewood regained consciousness, his wife was remorsefully bathing his head with cold cloths, “‘John,’’ she whispered, as he opened his eyes, ‘‘could you have stood twenty-five?”” “I suppose so,’ he faintly acknowledged. ““Well,’’ she cooed, kissing his clammy cheek, ‘‘that is what I intend to pay when I do buy, and I wanted to break it to you gently.’’ The Meaning MISTLETOE and holly berrie Richmond roses everywhere ; Love-ripe lips that shame the cherries, Tempting one to turn from care! Bamboo vines and red carnations, Rich poinsettias, strands of moss; Heart-lit eyes and—protestations !— Who would not forsake life’s cross? Feathery ferns and pine boughs singing, Violets to sip the rue; Soul to soul in rapture clinging— Such is Christmas—spent with—you! —Rulph M. Thomson Modern son (smoking )—Say dad, old man, what's the idea of the make- up? A bet? .