Judge, 1914-11-07 · page 18 of 24
Judge — November 7, 1914 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising with some editorial content**, typical of Judge magazine's mixed format. The main substantive content is a two-part poem titled "Apostrophe to a Golf Ball" by R.G. Hunt—a satirical contrast between a golfer's romantic, flowery devotion to the golf ball before hitting it ("L'Allegro," or "the cheerful one") and bitter, curse-filled rage when the shot goes badly and the ball lands in a bunker ("Il Penseroso," or "the thoughtful one"). The joke relies on the classical references (titles borrowed from Milton) being incongruously applied to golf frustration. This mocks both golfers' emotional extremes and pretentious literary allusions. The page also contains "A Rash Wish Regretted," a brief anecdote about speaker Strickland Gillilan being nearly invisible during a dark afternoon lecture. The remainder is period advertising: marriage advice books, Pears' soap, correspondence schools for cartooning, diamonds on credit, and cigars—no political satire present.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Every Married Couple “Should O% marriage this complete informative book “The Science of a New Life” By JOHN COWAN, M. D. Endorsed and recommended by fore- most medical and religious critics throughout the U. S. Unfolds the secrets of married happiness, £0 often revealed too late! No book like it to be had at the price. We can only giv few of the chapter subjects here as this book fs not meant for children. (Agents wanted). 7) G tomy of ‘Amaliveness 7 Contioeace. Chil: Confinement. Nare- ‘Complete J.S. Ogilvie Publishing Co., $A oc'ny Pears’ Pears’ Soap is made in a clean, sun-flooded factory; then stored a full year in a dry, airy place, before coming to you. Is it such a wonder it lasts so long? Established in 1789. Develop Your Talent by the ZIM'S. Cor- respondence School System. Cartooning, Comic Art _and Caricature. formation. Box Ry Horseheads, N.Y. Stand acid and fire diamond test. So bard they easily scratch a file anil will_cut glass, Brilliancy guaran- teed 2Syears. Motmted in I4k solid gold diamond mountings. Seethem before pay- Ing. Will send yoa any style ring. pin or stod for $yamlzation= all charges prepaid. No, mor vance, joney refunded if not satisfactory, Write taisy fur free cata WHITE VALLEY GEM CO., 773 Wulsin Bldg, “MADE AT KEY WEST— AMonosion cre 20% Down, 10% Per Month With every Diamond we give a written certificate guaranteeing it and agreeing fo take it back any time at full price, in ex change for a larger stone. If your purchase is not better value than your dealer can furnish, return it and we will refund your money. Goods forwarded prepaid for exam- ination. 5 Write for latest catalog 5 J.M. ON & CO., Established 1843 71-73 Nassau Street, New York Apostrophe to a Golf Ball L'ALLEGRO (Before driving) HA sprightly sphere! Thou tiny globule of distilled delight! Enthronéd there upon thy sandy mount, Thine alabaster coat without a stain, Unmarred, untouched, save where thy molder’s scutch Is blazoned—warrant of thy flawlessness. With all thy latent puissance, how still— How poiséd like an athlete at the start Thou waitest for the swift descending stroke To speed thee winging on thy glorious flight. Jove send thee straight and far, my orison Be thine; mayst pierce the circumam- bient air, Defying earth pull like an unskied star, Till all thy potency is spent. Afar, Then, unconcealéd on the grassy plain, Await the touch that sends thee to thy goal. IL PENSEROSO (Bunkered!) Oh, thrice accurst! Thou thing of shame and sin incarnate born! Unholy bauble loosed upon the earth By Asmodeus and his chortling crew— A djinn encompassing within thy walls To guide awry thy short, uncertain course ! Ha! Liest now entombed ’neath yonder brake, In gleeful triumph at thy sender’s plight! Thine erstwhile unsmirched cheek a cres- cent scar Now wears—a grinning mouth, foul- breathing taunts! Oh, Ishtar! Clothe me with thine artifice, To wreak reprisal on this mocking mite! Oh, Vulcan grim' Veuchsafe a cunning tool, Endued with power supernal to constrain Obedience to each titanic stroke; And yet, forsooth, ’twere vain such aid to seek. ‘Transcending hest of gods as well as men, Thou heedest but thine own satanic will. I execrate thee, instrument of woe! Thy name henceforth shall be Anathema! —R. G. Hunt, A Rash Wish Regretted Once when Strickland Gillilan was lec- turing at the home of ‘‘Tama Jim’’ Wil- son (Tama, Iowa), the afternoon was dark in the big Chautauqua pavilion, and the speaker was in almost total eclipse. “*Taffy’’ Sears, a fellow-lecturer, stand- ing near the back of the building, heard a lady whisper, “My! I wish they’d turn on the foot- lights, so we could see his face !"’ Pretty soon the lights flashed up, she caught a good look at the homely and ex- pressionless mug of him, and she ex- claimed far more fervently, “My! I wish they’d turn out those footlights!’’ “Was he a good man?” “Oh, yes! Why, he lived so that his obituary was almost true!’’ Bitters be used in making i ures your getting best. CW. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. Masterly knowledge of ale brew- ga5, ing, gained by 128 years of ex- Es perience, has placed Evan at the head of the brew- ing industry of the world. The proof is in every bottle. Keep a Supply at Home. All Havana Only 25 French's superb Cuban Speci: to ose ia rou flavor. r you for ealy Zoe, si FRENCH TOBACCO CO., Dept. 44, States: Wanted Traveling Eeexriege etn oat St oma Sa res ich cet etcient Eis aires physiology. anatomy, diseases and treatment—a scie> tifle treatise published by’ H. Achershaug, M.M.D. (Norway), has made a great sensation. “Its wonderful results bare hs me jeesion."—News. The Book, WITH and doctors’ endorsements, 1s sat ce, te address the auth jew York. The Happy Medium J udge—” Sale on all News-stanés Xmas Gift Superb Moth- the who becomes the prood ‘of a Pied Perieht prepa Pie WONT MED CFI