Judge, 1914-10-10 · page 10 of 24
Judge — October 10, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Simply Crazy"** (top cartoon): A gentleman farmer absurdly attempts to teach cows to play golf—mocking both the pretensions of wealthy farmers imitating upper-class leisure activities and the era's fad for golf among the affluent. **The main story** about "Hance" describes a frontier character's eccentric practice of shooting tin cans off a tourist's head. When the tourist complains to railroad officials, Hance receives statistics proving the tin-can industry is thriving—making his grievance laughable. The satire targets both frontier eccentricity and the era's faith in statistics to solve any problem. **Shorter pieces** mock various contemporary absurdities: a schoolgirl's definition of agriculture as "the society word for farming" (class pretension), editorial office mishaps, and travelers collecting military ammunition samples as souvenirs (wartime tourism). The overall tone is gentle, slapstick satire of American life, class differences, and period quirks.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘**Now put a tin can on your head, and I'll William Tell it into that grave,’ said Hance. “The tourist protested again, but finally he saw the only comparatively safe way out was to humor this man with a strange whim. So he stood at the edge of the hole and bal- anced tin cans on his head all the afternoon, while Hance shot 'em fall of holes. Every time a can 'd fall back into the hole, Hance 'd give himself a prize fer perfect marks- manship, the prize bein’ a drink at his own bar. When the stages come along, the pas- — sengers all had to come out and see Hance practice on tin cans, and they was all careful to applaud every good shot. When aan fell into the hole, Hance 'd make the Englishman get a fresh ‘tin,’ and when the opened ones was all gone, the tourist had to dip into the stock in his hamper. “Hance was pretty nigh a perfect shot. He kep’ his game up till dark, by which time he had disposed of all the tin cans in the Englishman's stock, and the tourist hadn’t got more’n two or three scalp abrasions. “It happened that the traveler was of some impor- tance, though, and he wrote such an appealin’ letter of protest to the stage people that Hance was sent’some statis- tics, provin’ that the tin-can industry had growed so big that there wasn’t no chanc’t of his puttin’ the can makers out of business single-handed. This hurt Hance’s feelin’s so he re- signed. He said the railroad, which was jest bein’ put WHY, THE IDEA! Hortense—I can only be a sister to you, Alphonse. Alphonse—Then give me back my presents ! Hortense—Why, Alphonse! Who ever heard of a sister doing so foolish a thing as that! SIMPLY CRAZY The gentleman farmer teaches his cows the game of golf. through then, wouldn’t do nothin’ but bring more tin cans to bother him, anyway. He moved 'way up in the Big Horns, and he put a sign up on the trail that forked to his house, readin’: THIS TRAIL IS TO HANCE’S LEAVE ALL TIN CANS HERE BEFORE COMIN’ UP. Her Definition N A private school a little —~ girl was asked to define the word agriculture. “Agriculture? Agricul- ture?’’ she repeated thought- fully. ‘‘Why, agriculture is the society word for farming.”” An Observation It is with hearts as clothing, I herewith beg to state, And when the weather's warmer E’en love is summer-weight! Careful City editor—For a beginner that new reporter seems very particular not to make any mis- takes. Assistant—Yes; I told him to write on one side of the pa- per, and he wanted to know which side. Souvenirs of Travel ‘*You should see Ferdinand’s trunk.’” “Labels from all the conti- nental hotels, I suppose."’ “No; samples of shot from every camp in Europe.’’ A bird in the hand may be worth two in the bush, but they are so awkward to carry. comicbooks.com