Judge — September 12, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Awakening OU MAY fetch me the ru- bies of Jura, The silks and the sweets of Japan, The laces of Amarapura, The immer of Alde- beran; You may give me a dia- mond-roofed castle, A wind-swift Pegasus le, An angel from heaven for vassal — And still I would hunger outside. Who cares for a throne in high places, Away from the ache and the strife? Who cares for your sweets and your laces? You fool—I am hungry for life! Jane Burr His Utility By TOM P. MORGAN «« THE LATE Rip Ramsey was, in a certain way, a useful man,”’ grimly stated J. Fuller Gloom, the well-known misanthrope. ‘‘Of course, while he was everlastingly vociferating about the fail- ure of this country to go to war to protect its missionaries and other persons who had gone poking their noses into various lands where they hadn't been invited, he wouldn’t protect his own thin horse from the cold wind with a blanket. He was also grand and stalwart in his respect for weak but glorious womanhood, and spat tobacco juice on the sidewalks and let his sickly daughter work in the canning fac- tory to earn necessities. He was a won- der at making diversified farming pay with his mouth, and invariably had the most luxuriant weed crop in town. He was willing to tell everybody how to run his business and how the national debt should be paid, but never attended to his own business and made no attempt to liquidate his own obli- gations. “To sum up, Rip Ram- sey was a blatant brag- gart, a tiresome nui- sance, a chronic dead- beat and a thirty-third- degree bore; but in spite of those short- comings and some others which are not necessary to mention, he was of considerable utility, in a left-handed fashion. After busy people quit letting him waste their time, he turned in and bored the village loafers so thoroughly that a few of them actually took to work to get away from him, sev- eral left town, and one, Iam pleased to say, So, while as a friendand fellow-citizen he was absolutely worthless, as an eradicator and disinfect- ant he had a certain value.” Improved “*He is a self-made man, is he not?"" “Yes, except for the alterations made by his wife and her mother.’’ “ guspin’ CaT3! i'M POLLOWcD !” “T think that chap would like to buy my place. cracking up the value in great shape.” “Why, you fool, that’s our new tax assessor I've been Her Weakness HEN Betty by the sea sojourns Or seeks the mountains high, She walks for miles along the beach Or climbs toward the sk Thinks nothing of an all-day jaunt On foot through bush and brier, Or over stones and slippery sand, And never seems to tire. But when at home, where city streets Are level as a floor, She finds it quite beyond her strength To walk a block once more. So everywhere that Betty goes, To points both near and far, When she is back in town again, She takes a cab or car. —Minna Irving. It Helps a Lot Eve, for the first time in their married life, was telling Adam just what she thought of him. “This is the original rib roast,’’ chuc- kled Adam. And that was the beginning of the sav- ing grace of humor. How He Got In “But how did he happen to get engaged to the girl, if he doesn’t love her?” “Why, he says he was convincing when he merely meant to be plausible.”” comicbooks.com