Judge, 1914-08-29 · page 5 of 24
Judge — August 29, 1914 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous essays and illustrations on various topics rather than political satire: **"The Value of a Shave"** by George Bixby features a portrait and discusses how shaving improves appearance and mood, with anecdotes about whiskers' disadvantages. **"The Butchers"** by Dixon Merritt is a short poem critiquing people who write poorly, though the connection is unclear. **"Speed"** by Douglas Malloch appears to be a cautionary verse about a man obsessed with speed who eventually dies in a motor car accident—likely reflecting early 20th-century anxieties about automobile dangers. **"Close Friends"** by Howard G. Kepley shows a woman with labeled bags of the things she'd miss about a man—domestic social satire about romantic relationships. The "Dog Pound" cartoon at top appears to be a separate comic gag.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Value of a Shave By GEORGE BINGHAM A SHAVE is a privilege to be enjoyed by every man. It puts fifteen cents into the pocket of the barber, and lends a dollar’s worth of personal ap- pearance to the man who has received the shave. A shave is temporary. Never has one been seen that was permanent. A shave stim- ulates the com- plexion and un- covers long-lost smiles. Statistics would show that millions upon millions of smiles have been squandered in the depths of a bushy beard. Smiling under a hirsute growth is hiding the light of your heart under a half bushel—of whiskers. Aman with a beard may have a dispo- sition equal to that of a jaybird when cherries are ripe, yet he cannot receive full credit for it from the public, because, no matter how hard he may smile, he is not able to make it beam through a tan- gled undergrowth of whiskers. The face, unfortunately, is arranged in such a way that the smile wrinkles run east and west across the lower portion, while the frown wrinkles are horizontal furrows across that section of the face between the eyebrows and the timberline of the hair, which is the most conspicu- ous part of the countenance. _ Aman may feel more like a Christian if he shaves regularly. Look at the train robbers and stage villains. You never See one that does not need a barber's at- tention. A man who had been out on the ruffles of civilization for several weeks arose from a barber’s chair with a clean shave and remarked with a wide-open smile, “Now I know I did not steal that horse. But I felt exactly like I had before I got the shave."” George Bingham, a... On the other hand, beards may be used as chest protectors or to cover some fa- cial defect or an identity; but they are mightily in the way when the wearer en- gages in a fight either with home folks or an enemy. Whiskers have been with us ever since Noah took every other sort of an animal into the ark except a barber; but in these times of all kinds of machinery, with its sundry flywheels and cogs and belts, it is imprudent to wear whiskers very far away from home. The Butchers! By DIXON MERRITT I "VE thought out quite a poem, But I really hate to write it, fear that some _ be- nighted soul Would stand up and re- cite it. For Dison Merritt, a... Speed By DOUG. HE SPEEDED up his motor car, He speeded up his yacht, He speeded all the things there are. To speed, no matter what. He held the 8 peedomania cup, Until one day he tried To speed A dining car waiter, Friend wifedressing. A proof from the printer, Same from the pho- tographer, Central, Change in a department store, A baggage agent, MALLOCH Douglas Malloch, a. ». ». ‘woman buying a ticket, A tailor with a suit, iP And then he quit and died. Close Friends By HOWARD C. KEGLEY HE MAN and maiden stood apart, But when he sighed and told the miss, “I'm going now; good-night, dearheart,’’ They cameto- getherjust likethis! Breen, THE WAY ANY WOMAN WOULD LOOK IP HER FRIENDS’ REMARKS WERE TRUE comicbooks.com