Judge, 1914-08-22 · page 20 of 24
Judge — August 22, 1914 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical page from *Judge* contains several brief commentaries on current events: **"It's a Long Lane" section** mocks recent disappointments: a peace-symbolizing dove ("Universal Peace") contracted disease and won't be shown; a yacht race was cancelled; San Francisco's Panama Exposition overshadowed New Orleans; European map changes will make schoolchildren's geography books obsolete; and Secretary Bryan cancelled lectures, losing money—prompting the dark joke that General Sherman was right about war's destructiveness. **"About Diamond Stars"** profiles Charles Comiskey, White Sox owner, through anecdotes. One tells how a policeman Comiskey helped get hired on the force later stops his speeding car and demands he slow down or return the complimentary pass. Another recounts Comiskey touring a British cathedral, where a guide asks who lies under an unmarked stone; Comiskey quips he doesn't know "for sure, but I have my suspicions"—a gentle dig at his bluffing confidence. **"Suspicion"** makes a pun about Vice-President Thomas Riley Marshall, suggesting his vapid public statements explain the phrase "put the Marsh in Marshall."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
It’s a Long Lane, etc. ‘The celebrated pedigreed dove “Universal Peace” will not be ex- hibited this year at the Interna- tional Poultry Show, The Hague Farms having withdrawn their entry because the bird has con- tracted a bad case of the pip. The yacht race is off, San Francisco has the Panama Exposition and New Orleans is glad of it; it’s the first time the Crescent City has had occasion to be glad about any- thing for a long time. The map of Europe is undergoing alterations to such an extent that by the time school opens little Willie's geography will be good only for father’s shaving paper. Secretary Bryan has had to cancel three lecture engagements thereby suffering a pe- cuniary loss of at least $750 and thus proving that General Sherman had the right idea of war. All of this would fill our souls with sorrow were it not for the cheering fact that THE AMERICAN PRESS HUMORISTS’ NUMBER of JUDGE will be on sale NEXT WEEK to spread mirth and gladness through this lucky land, so Cheer Up! About Diamond Stars By ED a. GORWEY Charles A. Comiskey @ t} Pres. Chicago A. L UNdoust EDLY the most popular man in baseball is Charles A. Comiskey, owner of the White Sox, and his genial nature and generosity, when it comes to distributing baseball passes, have won him a wide acquaintanceship in Chicago, his home city. Last year he gave a season's compli- mentary to a young man he had assisted in obtaining an appointment on the police force. Some time later Comiskey was driving his automobile considerably be- yond the speed limit through one of Chi- cago’s boulevards, when he was stopped by a policeman. The officer opened the door of the car and, looking in, saw his backer sitting smiling at the wheel. ‘Hello, old man!’’ shouted the baseball magnate. ‘‘Haven’t seen you since I put you on the force. How are you getting along?"" The policeman was silent for a full min- ute, and then he stuttered, ‘‘Look here, Charlie! You have to drive this car ata slower pace or take back my pass."” While Comiskey was in England with the world-touring baseballists, he and several friends were conducted through an ancient cathedral by a typical British guide and caretaker. “Behind the altar,’ he said, ‘‘lies Rich- ard III, In the churchyard outside lies Mary, Queen of Scots. And who,”' halt- ing above an unmarked flagging in the stone floor and addressing Comiskey, “‘who do you think, sir, is a-lying ‘ere oa this spot?’’ “Well,” answered the Chicago mag- nate, ‘‘I don’t know for sure, but I have my suspicions.’" Suspicion THE pure, limpid quality of many of the Vice-President’s published utter: ances affords ground for the suspicion now prevailing in Washington thst Thomas Riley is the ‘‘guy that put the Marsh in Marshall." comicbooks.com enag¢ca ae < o. S32 23