Judge, 1914-08-15 · page 11 of 24
Judge — August 15, 1914 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains three distinct sections: **"From a Jester's Notebook"** presents short satirical observations on social behavior—dirty collars, Egyptian tourist scams, lazy people, platonic love, courtship expenses, and the cost of alimony. These are light, disconnected quips mocking human nature and contemporary social issues. **"Not Unpleasant About Midsummer"** is a humorous word-association list contrasting "cold" things with summer—playing on the double meanings of "cold" (temperature, emotion, reception). **"Judge's Motion Pictures"** shows a film strip titled *"A Fortune on the Half Shell; or, a Bivalvular Romance"*—a comedic silent-film parody about oysters. The caption notes oysters "cannot live in the Baltic Sea," and the author humorously laments they're also "not feeling very well" locally, suggesting oysters are dying/scarce in the publication's timeframe. The overall page emphasizes light social satire and wordplay typical of early-20th-century American humor magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
From a Jester’s Notebook SARTORIAL philoso- pher of our acquaint- ance observes that if a man will wear a dirty collar, he de- serves to get it just where he does—right in the neck. Scientists tell us that there are eight thousand different kinds of fish in the Nile, not counting the suckers who buy bogus scarabs. ‘The fact seems to be that over there in Egypt you can catch most anything, from chills and fever up. The man who spends all his time waiting for something to turn up usually finds the noses of his neighbors and his own toes the sole reward of his pro- longed period of watchful wait- ing. As we have wended our way through life, we seem to have dis- covered that, while platonic love may have lots of ‘‘play’’ in it, it is still difficult to see where the “tonic’’ comes in. This may be ashallow joke, but we opine it is profound philosophy. The expensive character of the period of courtship would seem to show that the high cost of loving is as much of a problem to some people as the high cost of living is to others. Alimony, likewise, may be said to represent the high cost of leaving. Itis said that oysters cannot live in the Baltic Sea. We are sin- cerely sorry to hear it. They don’t seem to be feeling very well around here, either, these days. We had one the other night—But, no; let us talk of sweeter things, like Huerta and Colorado and the I Ww. Ww. It is asad social fact that the human bad egg, like the real bad egg, is able generally to pass him- self off as a good one, and is ac- cepted as such, until he is broke —and then it all comes out. —Horace Dodd Gastit. Not Unpleasant About Midsummer The friend who throws cold water on us, A chilling reception. A storm of applause. A cool million. An icy glare. A frosty air. A wintry smile. A frozen look. A baseball fan. A frigid manner. A sea change. A snowy head. Clouds of tobacco smoke. A breezy conversation. A shower of congratulations. A shadow of an excuse. A gentle wave of emotion. A freezing speech. A growing coolness. Ashadeof difference. Encouraging Symptoms «J AM afraid that he is growing weaker,”’ said the doctor. ‘‘His chances for recovery are very slight.” ‘‘Nonsense!’’ exclaimed the nurse. “He'll pull through all right!’’ “*What makes you think so?’’ inquired the incredulous physician. “‘Because,’’ admitted the pretty nurse, “the has attempted to make love to me three or four times to-day !’’ For real spellbinding there are none to compare with the dictionary makers. JUDGE’S MOTION PICTURES HAS IT WOREY ENOUGH | PUT STN PRACTISE Hi E=3 { A Fortune on the Half Shell; or, a Bivalvular Romance comicbooks.com