Judge — August 1, 1914 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

pecs ) or gal What's Not in Washington : ight Have Taken Place in the bia at ie itl bat Haven't PRANCIS X. OSWALD Be Le cressendent of Jupce (Special Dispatches to Junce) WasuincTon, D. C., August 1 — From the Capitol comes the heartbreaking news that Senator Vardaman, of Mississippi, has decided to sacrifice the raven tresses wbich distinguish him from the common rden variety of United States Sena- tors. The disappearance of the Oster- moor effect that has helped to make Mis- sissippi famous is @ direct result of an ent with Senator Thomas, of Colo- fio, The latter wears a wig in the winter, but refuses to do so in the sum- ner, because of the general climatolegical conditions which make Washington seem prophetic of a particular phase of the hereafter. For the sake of the uniform- ity of the senatorial landscape, Senators Thomas and Vardaman have agreed that the former shull wear his wig throughout the year, and the latter shall trim his flowing locks to a length not to exceed two and one-half (23) inches. An effort to induce Senators Lewis, of Illinois, and Kern, of Indiana, to sacrifice their hirsute adornment to the same noble cause has so far failed. . Since Secretary Daniels was so singu- larly successful in the sale of a couple of secondhand and decrepit battleships to Greece for their full original cost price, the mania for going into the secondhand basiness has seized the entire Wilson ad- ministration. President Wilson leads in this new field. He has endeavored to trade off the tennis cart bequeathed him by President Roose- velt for a life-size, eighteen-hole golf coarse, But he has had no offers, The efforts of Secretary Lane to trade } the firetrap which serves for a Patent Ofice and for the general quarters of the Interior Department for a new 1915 model skyscraper also have not succeeded. Nor has Secretary Garrison been able toinduce anybody to buy a lot of odds and eds of condemned cannon at the first cost, plus interest on the investment. Secretary Bryan has tried for several months to sell the State Department’s jatk heap, consisting mainly of a lot of treaties that have failed and a couple of otherwise perfectly good ministers who tave been fired. He regrets to report ttat he has not been able to get anything like the cost price. One or the Other Mrs. Crawford —Do you think you'll be ile to keep up with your neighbors? Mr. Crabshaw—If we can’t, my dear, We'll move, GREAT “1 ite the EAR SPRING V ity has made it famous of six glass stoppered . [apvt.] How the Bell System Spends its Money Every subscriber's telephone represents an actual invest- ment averaging $153, and the gross average revenue is $41.75. The total revenue is distributed as follows: Employes—$100,000,000 Nearly half the total—$100,000,000— paid in wages to more than one hundred thousand employes engaged in giving to the public the best and the cheapest tele- phone service in the world. For Supplies—$45,000,000 Paid to merchants, supply dealers and others for materials and apparatus, and for rent, light, heat, traveling, etc. Tax Collector—$11,000,000 Taxes of more than $11,000,000 are paid to the Federal, state and local authorities. The people derive the benefit in better highways, schools and the like. Bondholders—$17,000,000 Paid in interest to thousands of men and women, savings banks, insurance com- panies and other institutions owning bonds and notes. Stockholders—$30,000,000 70,000 stockholders, about half of whom are_women, receive $30,000,000. ese payments to stockholders and bondholders who have put their savings into the telephone business represent 6.05% on the investment.) Surplus—$12,000,000 This is invested in telephone plant and equipment, to furnish and keep telephone service always up to the Bell standard. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY. AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One Policy One System Universal Service FOR LIQUOR AND DRUG USERS Ascientific treatment by specialists in authorized Keeley Institutes only. FOR INFORMATION WRITE TO FOLLOWING KEELEY INSTITUTES: WORLD AS THE SUCCESSFUL comicbooks.com