Judge, 1914-07-18 · page 9 of 24
Judge — July 18, 1914 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humor pieces satirizing early 20th-century American social conventions: **Main Cartoon** (top): A man in bed on vacation's first morning, fantasizing about beach activities while surrounded by bedroom furniture—mocking the gap between vacation dreams and reality. **"The Chaperon's Alphabet"**: A satirical poem by Tudor Jenks ridiculing the restrictive social rules governing unmarried women. Each letter represents courtship conventions—chaperones preventing flirtation (F), controlling gossip (G), preventing kisses (K). The final lines mock how these restrictions frustrate both youth and their guardians. This reflects genuine Victorian/Edwardian anxiety about female sexuality and parental control. **"His Way"**: A brief dialect humor piece about a Black man who distrusts banks, keeping money buried instead—playing on contemporary racist stereotypes about Black financial literacy. **"Egg View Notes"** and **"Prepared for the Worst"**: Rural/small-town humor and romantic comedy about a poorly-dressed suitor asking for a woman's hand. The page represents typical early Judge content: social satire, gender/courtship humor, and period-specific racial caricature.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Chaperon’s Alphabet A is Advice, which all maidens need; B is the beauty, who seldom will heed; C is the Caller, who’s apt to stay late; D is Duenna or Duty or Date; E is Engagement—a troublesome time; F is Flirtation—a capital crime; G is for Gossip, one’s bound to prevent; H is the Heart, where dwells discontent; 1 is Intentions, too often concealed; J stands for Jealousy, always revealed; K is for Kittenish—no, no, not for Kisses! L is for Liking—Love’s not for misses; M is the Marriage that ends supervision; N is the Nonsense that calls for decision; O's Opportunity, found everywhere; P is Papa, who is so unaware; Q is the Question that ought to be popped; R the Reply she may give if not stopped; S is a Sigh, so provoking to hear; T is the Talk too faint for my ear; U is Ungrateful for kindness and thought; Vis for Vow by which Victims are caught; W spells both Wedding and Wife; X stands for joys of the Chaperon’s life; Y is for Youth—oh, what fools mortals be ! And Z is the Zeitgeist so hostile to me! Tudor Jenks. His Way Mr. Lobstock—Has yo’ any faith in banks, sah? Mr. Bentover—Yassah! I has plenty o’ faith in ‘em, but I’s done got muh money buried in de ground. SENSATIONS ON AWAKING THE FIRST MORNING OF YOUR VACATION Egg View Notes HILE driving through Spring Ledge, the first of the week, home- ward bound from somewhere with a new mowing machine, Dow Ludlum was halted by a traffic officer, who warned him about cutting corners in the business district. Something going wrong with one of them there automobiles full of stran- gers, it was forced to draw up in front of the blacksmith shop Tuesday after- noon. As near as Milt Shirks could understand, the transgression got out of kilter. Ote Gimber has had a sail on his Moon Lake rowboat for over a week. He reports that it works fine, only the shore keeps getting somewhat in his way. Witt Larcom, who earnt a camera selling beauty pins to Cylindra Ber- ger, took several valuable pictures of the sun from various angles yester- day. A big-city bug hunter, who has been in these parts for the past few days with a net, rushed over into Corny Paine’s backyard Thursday evening, after a mammoth katydid, which was Corny, winding his watch. —Leslie Van Every. PREPARED FOR THE WORST Cynthia—Oh, Tom, think of coming to ask papa's consent in such shabby clothes ! Tom—That's all rightI bad one suit ruined. comicbooks.com