Judge — July 4, 1914 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

two,” said liar No. arp aed i ny luck; so I bought a buncl didn't Py Mountain goats. The hills were too steep for them, and every morning I had to take them out by twos, tie their tails together, and hang them across the ridges, so they could graze down the hillsides.’’—Jamestown (Kan.) Optimist. for a year or Something in a Name—‘‘Come here, Bates!”’ roared the master of an English village school, one morning. ‘I have a letter from Mr. Johnson, informing me that his son is unable to attend school, in consequence of a thrashing you inflicted upon him yesterday. Is that a fact, tes?” Bevan, sir,’ quailed Bates. ‘‘I never touched ’im.”” ; But the master did not believe him, and two minutes later Bates was asking permission to stand up in class, On the following day Johnson returned, and the master sought justification for his act before the whole class. ‘*Did you tell your father that Bates thrashed you, Johnson?’’ he asked. “No, sir,”’ piped the youth, The master’s ccuntenance clouded. “But your father wrote to me, saying that Bates did it.’’ “I know 'e did,’’ sniveled Johnson. “It was Billy Beauchamp did it, sir; but father couldn’t spell Beauchamp, and so he wrote Bates.’’— Youth's Companion. One with a Moral—Once upon a time Somebody happened to mention to a Gen- ius that if Everybody in the World said “Ugh!” together, it would be heard in the Moon. Now the Genius was an Organizing Genius, so he organized Everybody in the World, At a given moment Everybody agreed to say ‘Ugh!’ and the Genius told them it would certainly make a Roar that would be heard in the Moon. When the Day came, a Simple Man said to another, ‘‘I am not going to miss any- thing. One voice less won’t mal difference. I am going to Listen. Somebody must have Repeated this. When the Moment came, Everybody was Listening except two old deaf Ladies, who said ‘“‘Ugh!’’ Moral—Make it Unanimous.—Kansas City Star. One Redeeming Quality—They had not met for many years. Girlhood chums, their paths of life had separated, and when they accidentally encountered one another, naturally they had many things to discuss, mutual friends, etc. “By the way, Mamie,"’ inquired Mary, “whatever became of Bill Smithers—that ugly, bow-legged man, who was such a simpleton that he could not come in out of the rain?” A frigid look overspread Mamie’s face. With the hauteur that her sex can dis- play on needed occasions, she freezingly spoke: “‘Madam, he is my husband!’ Poor Mary! What could she say? Her face was scarlet, and she worked her brain overtime to say something to appease her friend. This is what she managed to stammer: “W-w-well, Mamie, he certainly did wear the most beautiful neckties I ever saw!"’—Louisville Times. MOGUL? E PTIAN ao CIGARETTES “T realize what Eden was, ~ “Or some faint semblance of it get, “When ‘she’ is with me,and Ilight “A cigarette."—R. W. Essex. KORKER REPEATING ‘ LIQUID PISTOL Will stop, the most vicious dog (or + Dept. E, Brooklya, N. Y. Deelop Yor aert] | [FREE TO F. & A.M. Our pocket size catalogue of 6 Books, Jewelry and Goods Redding & Co., Dept. 4 Publishers and Manufacturers IFTH AVENUE ~- ~- - + NEW YORK by the A FAMILIAR SIGH yal = THIRTY <— SANURS, Take Advantage of Our Knowledge and Experience You are coming to New York. There area lot of things you want to see; many places you want to visit. Good! The Traveler's Bureau at the Hotel McAlpin is waiting to help you. Before you leave home write to the Travel- er's Bureau. HOTEL MALPIN Broadway & 34% St..New York —and from telling you the best place to buy summer dresses to planning a trip to Europe, we have experts who will be glad to tender you their services, —and we'll prove to you that our interest in your comfort and welfare extends beyond merely providing a place to eat and sleep. en you are a guest at the Hotel McAlpin your interests and pleasure are the interests and pleasure of every employe of the hote ‘A cuisine of world-wide fame, delightful rooms, exception service, of course—and at a notably moderate tariff. Management MERRY & BOOMER comicbooks.com