Judge, 1914-07-04 · page 20 of 24
Judge — July 4, 1914 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising**, with two brief humorous anecdotes ("Stories with Smiles") embedded among hotel and luxury product ads typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine. The two jokes are: 1. **"A Telephone Mystery"**: A doctor overhears a couple arguing about dinner plans, prescribes aspirin to the woman unseen, then discovers she actually took his advice. The humor lies in the absurdity of practicing medicine through crossed telephone wires and the woman's willingness to follow a stranger's medical advice. 2. **"Rough Farming Land"**: Three farmers competitively exaggerate tales of impossibly steep terrain—potatoes rolling downhill into cellars, corn planted with shotguns. The final punchline, where a man with eight daughters says he was "the happy man" at the last daughter's wedding, plays on the stereotype of fathers relieved to marry off daughters (reducing family burden). Both anecdotes rely on early 1900s sensibilities: casual phone party-line eavesdropping, parental authority over daughters' lives, and tall-tale humor conventions. The cartoonish illustration shows two men in conversation, typical visual support for the stories.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
C4" soft, rich whiskey with the flavor ofan old vinta, Bottled Old fashioned ds in Bond tlt pen by res only PEBBLEFORD Old Fafbioned Quality Kentucky Bourbon CLEAR SPRING DISTILLING CO., DOURSON, NELSON COUNTT, RY. SOCIETYS NEWEST Thesis to lt the redDers of J GE know about societys newest mem! SAnargyros' SPECIAL BRUSH-END Cigarettes Vira -individual, and rather expensty Made entirely by hand and sen wrapped in sil ner fe fale Preserve fre lavor. At clubs and Ness can the fife stands~‘25¢. 1000 Island House ALEXANDRIA BAY Jefferson County New York In the Heart of the Thousand Islands In the most enchanting spot in all Amer- ica, where nature’s charms are rarest, all the delights of modem civilization ‘are added in the 1,000 Island House. No hotel of the Metropolis provides greater living facilities or such luxurious comfort —real HOME comfort — as does this palatial Summer retreat. An amusement for every hour, or quiet, complete rest, is the choice of every guest. All Drinking Water Used in the House Is Filtered Send two 2-cent stamps for Illustrated Booklet O. G. STAPLES, Proprietor WILLIAM WARBURTON, Mer. Stories ‘with Smifes A Telephone Mystery—A physician was invited out one evening not long ago to dine with some dozen or more people of such social prominence that it was quite worth his while to go, Late in the after- noon he went to his telephone to call a druggist and found himself breaking into the conversation of a man and woman. The woman said she had a cold and didn’t feel like going to dinner with the man, and the man insisted that she should. The doctor thereupon called to the lady, “Oh, that’s all right. Take five grains of asperin and go ahead with him."” The woman came back at him to know who was talking, but he merely repeated his prescription to take five grains of as- perin and go along to the dinner. That ended it, and the doctor in due course appeared at his dinner party and during the dinner told the story. Next morning he was called up, and a woman I enjoyed your story at dinner last night very much. I took the asperin and went.’” Then it was the doctor’s turn to be curious, but the woman only laughed and rang off. Now he wants to know all about it and can’t find out.—New York Sun. Rough Farming Land—Three of the big- gest liars in town were talking about farming rough land. “When I was a boy,’’ said No. 1, ‘my father owned a piece of land that was so hilly we had to tie a pole across the lister to keep it from tippingover. Our neigh- bor had a worse piece, though. He planted his potatoes on a hill in the mid- dle of his farm, and when he plowed them out, they would roll clear to the bottom of the hill and fall into a trough which would dump them right into his cellar.” No. 2 studied a bit, and then remarked, “*We had some land about like that, but always put it in corn and planted it with a shotgun.” “I tried farming my land in Nebraska Father of eight—Yes, the last of my daughters was married yesterday. Friend—Indeed! Who was the happy man? Father of eight—I was. The Hotel Van Rensselaer 15 to 19 East Eleventh St., New York | Close to Washington Square In the heart of the fashionable residential district —Just east Just the of Fifth Avenue and one min- ute from Broadway. Place for ‘i Your TY, —Single Room, with «e- erms: ae tached hath, $1.00 Der Mother Double Room, with detached bath, aud Sisters 91.50 per da: Where They Will Receive the Best of Attention Single Room, with private bath, $1.50 per day and upward. Double Room, with private bath, J upward, 0,30 per da} | 0, 1.50 per day and Suites—Parler, bedroom and 7) ‘ private bath, Incleding ‘rotection ||| all meats for one, per Week. $22.00 up; for two, per week, $28.00 up, =—=———— | | Especially low rates by the week during the summer months Write for JOHNHARRIS - - - Circular Manager 20% Down, 10% Per Month With every Diamond we give a written certificate guaranteeing it and agreeing to take it back any time at full price, in ex change for a larger stone. If your purchase is not better value than your dealer can furnish, return it and we will refund your money. Goods forwarded prepaid for exam ination. Write for latest catalog 5 J.M. LYON & CO.), Established 1843 71-73 Nassau Street, New York Special Summer Rates HOTEL GRENOBLE 7th Av. and 56th Street Opposite Carnegie Hall NEW YORK CITY Most select location in town. One Block from Broad Five minutes to all leading depart- ment stores and theatres and two min- utes from Central Park. High class hotel catering to a select clientele. Rooms with use of bath, $1.00 per day up Suites, $15 per week up All rooms are very large and light Special rates for short or long terms High class Restaurant at very moderate prices L. I. BROPHY, Manager comicbooks.com