Judge — June 27, 1914 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

E D I Press Agents F THERE is an association of press agents in this country, it ought to change its name to the National Amalga- mation of Disappointers. Countless are the pleasures that have been dulled by the habit of press agents of filling the peasantry with expectations that en't realized. A press agent that did not promise more than was forthcoming would not hold his job long enough to learn the name of the office boy; but is it too uto- pian to hope that some day the business of press agentry will be born again? Is there not a fortune in store for the pur- veyor of public amusements who will in- sist upon the exact, unshellacked truth at all times from his press agent, and thus found a line of glorified human beings who could always be implicitly relied upon and whose goods were as good as their word? Cheering News OW MANY brain cells’ worth of thinking do you indulge in every day? And how many days a week do you think? And how many weeks a year? You measure thinking by the number of brain cells consumed, so we are told by a professor at Johns Hopkins, Dr. E. Lindon Mellus. But don’t worry. There are plenty of them there—6,000,000,000 in round numbers, to say the least. This enables a fellow to use up 333,000 every day for all of fifty years. Now, as near as we can make out, one can do rather profound thinking on 333,000 cells, and, if kept up steadily for fifty years, the aggregate of thought would be stu- pendous, Which, of course, will tend to make us stop worrying about the fate of some of We all know people who our friends. % sei bo spend a great deal of time thinking. Many of them think so much that they get time for little else. They just think and think and think and think. Oh, how they do think! Naturally we have been a little concerned, lest such continuous and close thinking would overtax them; but now we can see that the danger is slight, and we can freely go about our daily tasks, leaving the thinking to the thought spe- cialists, O Wall Street Styles LUE will continue to be the leading shade in Wall Street during the com- ing season. One of the prettiest models shown consists of a dark-blue yoke, trimmed plentifully up, down and side- wise with light-blue oaths. Faces will be even longer than last season, and moutis will turn down more at the cor- ners; but the best dressers will still af- fect well-starched upper lips. A great many of last season's hats will be seen, and new overcoats will not be nearly so popular as heretofore. Waistcoats will conform to this trend by not being so full, and trousers will be worn with much less in the pockets. Stocks, of course, will still be a necessary part of every wardrobe, but they will be worn much lower, and many will be thrown care- lessly over the shoulder. Our National Self-sufficiency [IN NO way has the wonderful progress of this nation been better shown than in the subject matter of vitriolic and iconoclastic editors and writers. When we were much younger and more sensi- tive to criticism, there was no room for the local muck-raker, and accordingly, if a writer wanted to acquire a reputation for aggressiveness, he would point his pen toward England and let fly without A L_S§ stint of adjective, expletive or epithet, This was always sure to fill his readers, as well as himself, with a sense of supe- riority. But of late, as we grow larger and more mature and more urbane, we find there is really no need to go overseas ex after material for adverse criticism. Our extreme diligence has been able to de- velop every possible form of questionable practice. Thus England, as our devil- mother, has almost entirely disappeared from American vituperative literature. In the canal-tolls dispute there has been some attempt to revive that pristine phobia, but with poor success. Political Fledgelings THE CITY of Ottumwa voted recently to own its own lighting plant. Not only did two thousand women vote on this question, but they performed their duties so well that few of their ballots were thrown out in comparison with the men’s, so that their votes exceeded that of their more experienced brothers. It is time now to change the howl against feminine enfranchisement from ‘They don’t know how to do it,’’ to ‘‘They do it too well,’’ and so follow in the footsteps of the educators, who once predicted that women could never learn to study, and now complain that they master their les- sons so well as to discourage their fellow male students by wrenching the scholar- ship prizes away from them. No Accident THE Great Barrington, Massachusetts, bellboy who enjoys a legacy of $30,000 from an appreciative patron of the hotel where he is employed would probably stand at the head of any num- ber of bellboys upon a competit: examination. Such benefactions are not accidents. comicbooks.com