Judge, 1914-06-13 · page 22 of 24
Judge — June 13, 1914 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising with humorous filler stories**, typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines. The main advertisements include cocktails, talking machines, newspaper clipping services, and whiskey—products marketed to affluent readers. The "Stories with Smiles" section contains three brief jokes reflecting contemporary social anxieties: 1. **The Barber Story**: A critique of male vanity. A bald customer abandons his barber because the barber failed to ceremoniously "part" and groom his nonexistent hair. The joke satirizes how men psychologically deny baldness and require barbers to participate in this fiction. 2. **The Wedding Story**: Mocks both a bride's nervousness and her maid's insincere reassurance—social pretense during modern weddings. 3. **The Den Story**: Mocks the concept of male domestic autonomy. Though promised a personal study, Billinger's wife furnishes it entirely with sewing equipment, suggesting wives control household space despite husbands' assumptions of authority. Overall, these are gentle satires of masculine pride, social pretense, and changing domestic power dynamics in early 20th-century America.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HEN you say, "Here's how" over a Club Cocktail, you attain the ultimate in good drinking. Because Club Cocktails are the finest drink in the world. They're smooth and mellow, with the rare fragrance of selected old liquors, expertly mixed and aged in w Order your particular kind from your dealer today. G. F. HEUBLEIN & BROTHER New York Hartford TALKING $10 Faultlessly plays all needle Disc records as well ‘asany high-priced machine, Every Machine Guaranteed. Also Up-to-date “Ad” Novelties. AGENTS WANTED. E.N. DORING, - WEEHAWKEN, N. J. Press Cutting Bureau will send you all newspaper clip- pings which may appear about you, your friends, or any subject on which you may want to be “up to date."” Every newspaper and peri- odical of importance in the Un'ted States and Europe is searched. ‘Cerms, $5.00 for 100 notices. HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave., N.Y. Delightful verage RE FOOD WHISKEY Stories ‘with Smifes Sensitiveness—The fat man, leaving the barber shop, slammed the door viciously. “You've lost him,’ said the boss. “You've lost him now for good.’” “T know,’’ said the assistant. ‘‘But, hang it! I forgot.’’ + ‘You shouldn’t forget, George.”” And a gloomy silence followed. We ventured to break this silence. “*What was the trouble?’’ we asked. “George forgo: "* said the boss, ‘‘to part the man’s hair. He only just slicked down the sides and back."" ‘*But the man has no hair “He was as bald as an egg!"’ “*No matter,’ said the boss. ‘*No mat- ter for that. The balder a man the more punctiliously you must make the im- aginary parting on his coco, and the ‘nore carefully you must plaster down the im- aginary hair to left and right. He'll quit you forever if you don’t." We laughed cynically. “It isn't so ridiculous as it seems,’’ the barber ended. ‘‘Every bald man, by studying his head in a certain light, man- ages to find a bit of fuzzon it. This fuzz he brushes religiously a half dozen times aday. It doesn’t seem to him that he’s bald. Hair’s a little too thin, perhaps. But he’s not bald—not bald like Brown or Smith—oh, no! And you break his heart when, after you shave him, you neglect to brush his fuzz. Is he, then, really as bald as Smith? Curses, no! You're a fool, that’s all! He goes out, slamming the door, and he patronizes thereafter a barber who will fuss over his white dome as though it was Sam- son’s.’’—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. When Jimmy Was Landed—Recently in a suburban town there was a modern wed- ding, with the canopy over the sidewalk, caterer from the city and all that sort of thing, and after it was over, the bride and her maid of honor stood temporarily alone. “Tam so glad it is over!’’ excitedly cried the pretty bride. ‘Did I look all right, Marie?’’ “Yes, dear,’’ answered Marie, perhaps a little sighfully. ‘You looked simply and excruciatingly splendid.” “I’m so glad!’’ murmured the bride. “For a moment I thought 1 would faint. Did I appear to be very nervous?"’ “‘Just a little at first, dear,’’ responded Marie; ‘‘but you seemed to be all right as soon as Jimmy pronounced the words, ‘I do.’ ""—Philadelphia Telegraph. we cried. Billinger’s Den—‘‘When Billinger bought his new house, it was with the express understanding that he should have a room all of his own—a den or study.”” “Yes, I know what you mean. Did he get it?” “He got it, and his wife furnished it."’ “How?!” “With a sewing machine, a cutting table, two dressers, dummies, three sew- ing chairs and a full-length mirror. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Keep Your Hair Healthy Vaseline Reg. U.S. Pat. Of. Hair Tonic A Health-giving dressing for the scalp. Prevents dandruff and fall- ing of the hair. Gets right down to the roots and gives just the necessary stimulation needed to keep the hair in perfect condition. For sale everywhere. Send 10c for trial size bottle CHESEBROUGH MFG. COMPANY ‘onsolidated] 17% State Street “PASSED BY THE BOARD OF CENSORSHIP!” This picture, by James Montgomery Flagg, in full color —9 x 12— double mounted — on heavy white mat —11x14—ready to frame, will be sent for 25¢ Judge 225 Fifth Ave., New York comicbooks.com