Judge, 1914-06-13 · page 12 of 24
Judge — June 13, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces: **"Fore!" (top left):** A golf joke. An elderly woman watches golfers on a course, naively believing the sport involves retrieving balls—she's picked up four so far. The humor plays on generational incomprehension of modern leisure activities. **Mountain Romance (center/left column):** A sentimental short story about a young couple who get lost on a mountain, spending the night together. They return the next morning married. The piece satirizes romantic melodrama and the old clergyman's innocent misunderstanding of what kept them occupied. **"The Original Swatter" (right):** A poem crediting the Roman tyrant Domitian as history's first person to swat flies—a playful take on finding virtue in unexpected places. **"Autos and Mud Slinging" (bottom right):** A one-panel cartoon depicting a mouse on political campaign materials, with a pun: to succeed in politics, one needs a "mud guard"—both literally (for automobile travel) and figuratively (protection against character attacks). The page exemplifies Judge's mix of genteel satire, puns, and social observation circa the early 20th century.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PIA . FORE! Dear old lady—It must be some sort of a game they're playing. ‘This is the fourth little ball I've picked up so far. The young couple, wondering at such religious simplicity, again thanked the old people for their kindness and began to climb the mountain. Up they went steadily until noon, when they stopped in the shade of a great rock for luncheon and drank from a mountain stream, laughing like children. Refreshed, they went on, but long be- fore they reached the mountaintop, the girl showed weariness. Now and then he helped her over a rough place. Some- times it was necessary for him to com- pass her waist with his arm. Delight came to both in these contacts, and when they had reached the top, his arm was about her without necessity. They disposed themselves comfortably. “‘See!"’ said he. ‘‘The sun is setting!"’ “It is beautiful!’’ was her comment. They sat and watched the sun until it disappeared, the heavy air of the horizon tempering its brightness. Twilight came before either of them realized its meaning. “Come!"’ she suddenly said. ‘‘We must hurry back !’’ “How can we find the way?’’ he asked. She burst into tears. He soothed her. It grew cold, and he gave her his coat. Early the next afternoon they re- appeared at the little church. The old clergyman was again working in his lit- tle garden. He stopped and came for- ward. “Can you give us something to eat?’’ asked the young man. “Margaret !’’ called the old man. His wife appeared at the cottage door. The girl was so faint she leaned upon her companion, and both were haggard. “These young people are hungry. Can you give them coffee and something to eat?’? Then the old man turned to the youngman. ‘Lost on the mountain?” “Yes,"” “And didn't you meet the friends from the hotel who are searching for you?”’ “No.”” “Come in, please. All entered the cottage. When the dcor reopened, the young couple reap- peared arm in arm, Their faces glowed, and they responded to the gracious leavetaking of their elders gratefully, for they were now man and wife. Mr. Mouse—There's your militant suffragette | The Original Swatter ? OMITIAN, the tyrant, Though villainous, was wise, Because he spent his idle time Assassinating flies. Impaled upon his bodkin, They buzzed in frantic throes, The while he gloated, thinking how They crawled upon his nose. In hunting down the insects, He had all kinds of luck, Till seldom in his palace were There any to be stuck. So let this be said of him: Whatever he was not, He was the first (see history) The pesky fly to swat. James Ravenscroft. Autos and Mud Slinging “What is it necessary for a man to have if he is going into politics?” “A mud guard.’”’