Judge, 1914-05-30 · page 7 of 24
Judge — May 30, 1914 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"The Star Performer"** satirizes academic pretension. Professor Bump delivers absurd statistics classifying doctors as mostly incompetent or dangerous (60% should be confined, 25% under surveillance, only 1% helpful). When a student asks him to apply the same analysis to lawyers, the professor cryptically refuses and dismisses class—the joke being that lawyers are so useless he cannot even calculate their worth. This mocks both pseudo-scientific "guessology" and professional self-interest protecting fellow professionals from criticism. **"The Hardy Sex"** jokes about post-WWI fashion constraints. A woman predicts beach season will be dull because girls find their new bathing dresses "oppressive" compared to the heavy winter gowns women wore during wartime. The irony is that pre-war bathing costumes were actually more restrictive; the joke plays on evolving fashion standards and women adjusting to less constricting clothing. Both pieces represent typical Judge satirical humor targeting institutional absurdity and social change.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS DINNER Can't you write ‘em over again Poct—Yes; but there sandwich wrapped up in it. Usefulness PROFESSOR BUMP, of the Chair of Guessology on the Facts Foundation, was address- ing his class: “Regarding doctors, as seen in modern civilization, careful statisticians have compiled the following data: “Percentage who should be closely confined, 60. “Percentage who should be under surveillance and allowed at large only when deprived of their instruments and drugs, 25. “Percentage who should be ap- prenticed to blacksmiths or bound out to till the soil, 10. “Percentage who are a joy to society on account of their beauty, soft brown eyes, dancing ability, whiskers, ete. “Percentage who never did any harm, 1. “Percentage who are of service to humanity, 1.’” Clerk —~ Lost a parcel of poems? ? E STAR PERFORMER The professor wiped his high and shin- ing forehead and looked searchingly at his class. A deep hush fell, breaking as it fell. A ripple of emotion stirred among the wakeful members of the class. Harold Haymow, ’17, of Troy, New York, spoke up. “‘Er—professor, would you mind giving us the figures on the legal profession— that is, as to their usefulness to human- ity?” The professor wrung his hands simply. “I wouldn’t mind telling you about the usefulness of the legal profession to hu- manity if I could,’’ said he cryptically. “The class is dismissed.’’—Fred Ladd. Ringing the Bell A TINY speck of radium, ’tis said, will ring a bell For thirty thousand years. That’s go- ing some! But I have known collectors who, when they were feeling well, Could hustle that small piece of radium. Walter G. Doty. The Hardy Sex “Going to be adull season at the beach —no bathing.’” “Why?” “Oh, the girls will find their bathing dresses too dreadfully oppressive after this winter's gowns!"" LOVE IS NOT ALWAYS BLIND comicbooks.com