Judge, 1914-05-23 · page 22 of 24
Judge — May 23, 1914 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is primarily a **advertisements and humor anecdotes page**, not a political cartoon page. The page features three brief humorous stories under "Stories with Smiles": 1. **Congressman Horace M. Towner's anecdote** about a man named Smith who complains a restaurant steak isn't tender enough—the joke being his unreasonable expectations. 2. **The plumber's tooth-pulling scheme**—a absurdist joke where a fat plumber describes rigging a doorknob to extract his teeth, with the carpenter sarcastically noting his neighbors already know he's crazy. 3. **Nature appreciation story**—a romantic man waxes poetic about a sunset's artistic qualities while his female companion prosaically compares it to a lobster salad, deflating his sentimentality. The bulk of the page consists of period **advertisements** for bourbon, hotels, hunting magazines, and other products typical of 1920s Judge magazine. The humor is gentle and domestic rather than political or satirical.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A : Headliner ‘The star act on every Bil\ (of fare) is an hball. It you want the best, order j9 grand old Kentucky brand. Bernheim Distilling Co. HOTEL PURITAN ¢ Commonwealth ecAvenue-® Nnouse. 3 od Write for attractive ¢ You like to HUNT and FISH. You like to go CAMPING— Then surely you will enjoy the NATION AL SPORTSMAN Magazine, with ita 160 richly Mlustrated pages, full to over- flo h interesting tories information about tackle, eamp out. fi it places to go for fish and game, and @ thousand and one valuable “How to” hinta for aportamen. The NATIONAL SPORTSMAN is just like a big camp-fire in the woods where thousands of good fellows gather once a month and spin stirring yarns about their experiences with rod, dow, rifle and gun, Think of it —twelve round trips to the woods for a $1.00 bill, Special Trial Offer Just to show you what ke, will wend you ths “NATIONAL: SPORTSMAN Mag: ine for three months and a handsome NA BRO Hoop Waren Fat, a here shown, on receipt of 25c in stamps or coin. Don't delay—join our great bie Huntini Fishing, Camping. Ni ture-ioving National Sportsman Bratherbood to- day. NATIONAL SPORTSMAN MAGAZINE 32 Federal St. Boston, Mass. Stories ‘with Smiles Expected Too Much—Merrily chuckled Congressman Horace M. Towner, a few evenings ago, when the conv social session turned to criti said he was reminded of the kick Smith mad a restaurant, Being far from his usual haunts at din- “nertime some days ago, Smith dropped into a small restaurant and ordered a steak. Eventually the steak was placed before him, and, being some particular, he began a critical investigation. “Here, waiter!’’ he impatiently called a minute later, ‘I want you!’ “Yes, sir,’ responded the waiter party approaching. ‘*What can I do for you? “I want to complain about this steak ! indignantly cried the diner. ‘‘It is not tender enough! “Not tender enough! nder of the waiter, Xpect it to jump up and kiss Philadelphia Telegraph. A Tooth-pulling Scheme—‘* When 1 build a house again,’ said the fat plumber, “I am going to have all of the downstairs doors open outward."” “That's no good way,’’ the thin car- penter remarked. ‘*What's the idea?’’ “I'm bothered a good deal with my teeth.” “*What’s that got to do with it?’’ “*L seldom patronize the dentist.’’ “No “Oh, no! pulling”? “Gosh!"" “Oh, yes! I just fasten one end of a string to the tooth and the other end to the doorknob and wait until somebody opens the door.”” but’—— th never bother me in summer,"” was the quick I always do my own tooth “You see, I want the doors to open out- ward, so I can sit inside the house and wait. I'd hate to sit out in the cold and wait until some one inside had to come out, and, besides, some of the neighbors might think I was cra: ‘Huh!’ ejaculated the thin carpenter. “If you can think of any of the neighbors that don’t know it already, just let me know who they are, and I'll tell them.’’ — Youngstown Telegram. Nature—He was enraptured with the scenery. His fair companion at the coun- try resort sat upon the stone wall beside him. ‘Behold that exquisite sunset!’ he ex- claim “Note the delicate flesh tints, the cream shades, the long dashes of ver- milion, and the almost living fire that leaps up from the sinking sun as froma fountain. Behold the framework of dark- ening skies and of deep gree Isn't it wonderful?” His fair companion sighed heavily. “You just bet it is!’’ she exclaimed. “It looks just like a great, big lobster salad !"'"—Lippincott’s Magazine. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated, ibaa with ofan old “fae Old fsh tat me a Bottled in Bond PEBBLEFORD | |: Old Fafhioned “ B Kentucky Bourbon | | = = oe DISTILLING co, r te > Press. Cutting Bureau willsend you all newspaper clippings , Which may appear about you, your friends or any subject on which you may want to beep to date.” Every newspaper and periodical of {mvertance in the United States and Europe is searched. $5.00 for 100 notices, Henry Romeske, 106-110 suas Avenue, New York. WANTED—AN IDEA i WHO CAN THINK OF SOME Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129, Washington, D:G. Men and Women In To Write Photoplays § could to it wloi “y the o £20,000 Movlo Theatres are clomertes for EW “y CussietiniTaa test Veo tank perc teed) | fey 5 secensary I GUARANTEE you $10 £0 FOR FIRST PHOTOPLAY “y Tactoniay Hi of egal a we "Fer Uoeas re an rom el Ne Re Burr vill, dolla Stand acid and fire diamond test, Cx So bard they easily scratch a filessd lowai will cut glass, Brilliancy guare> teed 28 years. Moumtedinliksolidged | Deal them before par e se HITE VALLEY GEM CO... 773 Walsia Bldg ladaseea 773 Walsin Bldg. todiaswpela | 11 If coming to New PSDB vo lrcoming toiNewsYork | hi Why Pay Excessive Hotel Rate on G 193 W. 103 St, New York Atri Select, Home-lil ams of Parlor, Bed: n, Private Bath for. ey: . Write for descriptive booklet K with fine map of oth, Roose FoR MEN IGA ARS ‘ = re doeto of st Mail. “MADE AT al GARS comicbooks.com