Judge, 1914-05-16 · page 12 of 24
Judge — May 16, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains multiple brief humorous sketches mocking American social types and situations circa early 1900s. **Key pieces:** - **"The Call of the Wild"** parodies Jack London's famous novel by reducing "wild" to rowdy baseball fans demanding the umpire's death—satirizing sports mania. - **"From Zero to Warmth"** jokes about corporal punishment: a student expects his father will literally "warm him up" (beat him) for poor grades. - **"They Were Satisfied"** uses a child's naive logic: a Sunday-school student assumes farmers would be happy about Biblical flood rains—missing the agricultural catastrophe. - **"His Abysmal Meanness"** features a self-described pessimist who enjoys heckling political speeches, tracing his meanness through family history and legislative service (unclear which politician is referenced). - Minor bits mock fashion, widows' pensions, and food safety laws. The humor relies on wordplay, generational stereotypes, and everyday frustrations recognizable to the era's readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Call of the Wild HE call of the wild! Oh, the call of the wild! fot} Come, listen with me to the call of the wild— The wild of the bleachers that toss like a flood, And their mad, raging call for the umpire’s blood! Walter G. Doty. From Zero to Warmth Teacher (severely) — What will your father say to your low average? Youngster (with hesitation)— When dad sees I'm down to zero, he’ll ‘warm me up,’’ I guess. Appropriate Knicker —They are planning State pen- sions for widowed mothers. Bocker—Shouldn’t there bé a little of the long green for grass widows? “GEE! DIS IS JEST LIKE A *MOVIE’™ They Were Satisfied Sunday-school teacher (telling of the deluge)—-And then it rained for forty days and forty nights. Johnny—Were the farmers satisfied then? An Affable One Pall—I've made a big hit with your friend, Miss Scrumps. Mall—How do you know: Pall—She spoke to me to-day, and I have been introduced to her only three times. Something Lacking Mrs. Crabshaw—Isn't my new hat just lovely? Crabshaw—You seem to have spent so much for it you hadn’t money enough left to buy yourself sufficient clothes, The pure-food law doesn’t guarantee “preserved peaches.” Ray ROM, His Abysmal Meanness «eT AM a mean man,” candidly con- fessed J. Fuller Gloom, the well- known pessimist. ‘I come naturally by my abominable disposition, for my family were nearly all ornery. My father was a mean man, and I had an uncle who bore such an unenviable repu- tation that he was three times sent to the Legislature. So it is not surprising that I should enjoy misbehaving when a states- man delivers a speech. When the great man stands ponderously forth, with his Prince Albert buttoned around his rotund- ity. and utters, with profound orotund- ity, an apostrophe to the gur-rand old ful-lag, I take a diabolical delight, when he pauses for applause, in crying, ‘Louder, louder!’ and thus compelling him to do it all over again.”” Up to Scratch Life is just one irritation after another —after the chigger season come flannels. comicbooks.com