Judge — May 9, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Modern Romance EAR HEART, I long have madly loved The very ground you tread. Were I the day, I’d weave a heav’n Of magic o’er your head. But tell me, ere I ask your hand, K So that no doubt may blight yy» The passion sweet in which we're wrapped, Is your left lung all right? And, dearest daughter of romance, Blush not to speak straight out: Are you addicted e’er to chills And fever or the gout? Oh, tell me frankly, I implore, My moon-kissed dawn of dawns, Have you among the family ills A heritage of corns? Ah, let us haste to bind the knot That makes us one, indeed! But ere we fly, we must subscribe To this eugenic creed. So tell your waiting bridesmaids, love, Who hold me but a cynic, We'll meet them at the altar rail In old Doe Cupid’s clinic. —Gordon Johnstone. Reflections of a Dressmaker Some natures are very easily ruffed. Loud dress always speaks for itself. Some dressmakers take one stitch in nine. The dressmaker tucks away a great many family secrets. Let no one confuse the word modiste with modest. In the evening gown very little mate- rial goes to waste. No doubt the dressmaker creates more love illusions than Cupid. Many women are staid and dignified be- cause of the dressmaker’s stays. “The apparel oft proclaims the man’’ —the scantiness of it the woman. The husband regards his wife’s bill at |; the dressmaker’s as shear steal. The seamy side of humanity, like the seam of a gown, is always on the inside. A woman, to be happy in marriage or in a new gown, must be properly hooked up. —George Ryon. Manual Labor “T understand that she does a good deal The Seed Catalogue THE SEED catalogue is a handsomely illustrated, beflowered and bevege- tabled volume that tells you everything 8 well-behaved seed is expected to do and 8 lot more things that no poor little seed on earth can ever expect to do. The pictures have a powerful psychological effect, which consists in making a man actually blister his hands with a hoe. Scientists claim that the promotion of exercise is the real object of a seed cata- logue, but no suburbanite would entertain such a thought for a moment. Already in their mind’s eye they see visions of fruits and flowers that would make the blue ribbons of a country fair look as lonely as a microbe in the Sahara Desert. They tried the same seeds last year, but the soil was naughty. Same thing the year before. You couldn’t persuade them with a sledgehammer that the seeds are libeled. Truly, the seed catalogue is the prince of modern fairy books. —George W. Parker, Overdone “I understand Mrs. Neurich has had her house done over.’’ “Yes; and herself also.’’ How about her husband?”’ “Oh, he has been done over and over again!’’ An Interesting Discovery ““Brown’s an inquisitive chap. Coming home from the club last night, he climbed up a high gate post to see what the sign was at the top.’’ “*What was it “Wet paint.”” Plain as a Pikestaff The fools are not all dead yet—nope! Here’s proof, if you will heed it: T am alive to write this dope, And you’re alive to read it. Strickland Gillitan. Evidence Willie—Uncle, did you ever play Indian in your life? Uncle—Indeed, no!’ Why do you ask? Willie—Because I saw a scalp on your bedroom table. On the Piazza “There's as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it.’” “‘Better—or every tarpon fisher is a Of vers Work OR, THE COMEDY OF THE OVERACTED Yes. Her singing is labored.” DRAMATIC MOVIE eee 2 comicbooks.com