Judge, 1914-05-09 · page 10 of 25
Judge — May 9, 1914 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"Never Mind!"** offers cynical observations about gender relations and marriage—critiquing women's drinking habits, the hypocrisy of confession, and marital incompatibility. The tone is misogynistic by modern standards. **"Give Both a Chance"** presents a dialogue between city and suburban commuters debating theater schedules, satirizing the conflicting needs of each group. **"Thither, Not Hither"** jokes about a man whose two married daughters (in Boston and San Francisco) each want their mother to visit the *other* daughter instead—implying unwanted in-laws. **"At the Costume Ball"** shows Father Time missing his train because he was distracted at a party. **"A Dozen Capital Offenses"** is a clever word-play list using verbs of suppression (smothering, choking) alongside "capital" crimes like forging ahead or drowning care. **"Brilliant Idea"** is a brief drugstore joke: the customer wants flea treatment; the clerk suggests getting a dog (implying the customer has fleas, not a pet). The page emphasizes domestic comedy and social observation typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Never Mind! ‘VERY pretty woman can find the glass that cheers in her dressing-room. Though good for the soul, confession may injure one’s standing in the com- munity. Temperament doesn’t hurt the person who has it—but how the family suffers! A man oughtn’t to marry when he has a lot of other things worrying him. If there is bound to be a pedestal in your family, hurry and climb up there first. A woman loves telling a man he ought to get some overshoes, but she can’t help hating him if he appears in them. Give Both a Chance Urbus—They ought to get up a show consisting of the last acts of the various plays in town, for the benefit of you subur- banites who have to leave early to catch the last train home. Suburbus—I don’t think it’s any more needed than a show consisting of the first acts of the same plays, for the benefit of you city people who have to come in late because you won't dine early. —Angie Ousley. And Keep the Promise He—Darling, refuse me, and I shall never love another girl! She (briskly)—What I want is a man who will promise me that if I accept him. Thither, Not Hither Friend—Now that your daughters are married, will your wife go to the one in Boston or to the one in San Francisco? “ Dearest, marry me and you'll bask in the lap of wealth. Iown the richest mud- hole in the country, an’—gee, there's an- other auto stuck ! Francisco. I don’t know where she'll go. AT THE COSTUME BALL Father Time—Good Lord! Watch stopped and I've missed th’ last train home! Jones—One wants her in Boston, and one wants her in San Friend—Those are unusual sons-in-law! Jones—Not atall. The Bos- ton one wants her in San Fran- cisco, and the San Francisco one wishes her in Boston. A Dozen Capital Offenses Smothering a yawn. Choking a sob. Stifling a laugh. Killing a rumor. Stealing from bad company. Coining excuses. Strangling a cry. Blowing up the fire. Hanging curtains. Striking work. Forging ahead. Drowning care. —Geo. B. Morewood. Brilliant Idea Customer—I want some- thing for fleas, Drug clerk—Why don’t you get a dog? We always remember thos: who have done us a favor— when we want another favo> done. comicbooks.com