Judge — April 25, 1914 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FISHERMAN’'S ARITHMETIC HE ANNUAL re- port of the As- sociation for Im- proving the Con- dition of the Rich has just been made pub- lie and contains interesting information. During the year the society has inves- tigated 945 cases, of which 357 proved to be deserving. In all of these latter it appeared that, while the families had come by their riches more or less hon- estly, they were in varying degrees of misery, due to one or more well-defined causes, such as inability to spend intelli- gently, misdirected ambition, congenital awkwardness, getting into the wrong set, building on the wrong street, too greedy doctors and specialists, etc. In every case under investigation it is the aim of the society’s agents to take personal charge, ask all the questions they can think of, and not give up until the proper relief has been provided. Among the more specific accomplish- ments of the year are: Saving 49 girls from impecunious foreign noblemen, 72 youths from chorus girls, 35 middle-aged women from advanced bridgomania, and 13 from locophobia. Locophobia is the society’s term to in- dicate the strange aversion of many rich people to staying long in any one place, and it is claimed to be a most obstinate ailment. One particularly distressing case is reported of a woman with houses all over the world, who felt it her duty to live in each one of them a part of the year. When the society’s attention was first attracted to her, she had been taken ill in her town house in upper Fifth Av nue. It was quickly seen that she was in a bad physical and mental condition. She was emaciated and nerveless, and it de- veloped that she had not a friend in the world, owing to the fact that she never stayed in one place long enough to make friends. After the society’s agent had much Rich Relief Society’s Report By ELLIS 0, JONES gained her confidence, she confessed that she had been diligently traveling from place to place for twenty years in the pursuit of happiness, but had never found it. She was finally induced to spend six months in the quietest part of Brooklyn and at latest accounts was more contented than she had ever been before. It is in this connection that the asso- ciation’s report discusses the need of bet- ter housing for the rich. The problem which has thus far baffled solution is to introduce something akin to © ity, filial affection, common de- cency, sense of proportion, milk of human kind- ness, time- proving de’ counter irritants, useful aims, so- cial services and the like. Not Original Miss Gilder (the new teacher, telling the janitor about her fa- vorite pupil, Charlie Hyde)—And there's another very encouraging feature in re- gard to Charlie: I have never caught him in a falsehood. Janitor—His old man’s pretty slick, too, homelikeness in the large residential establishments which the social position of the rich requires them to maintain. Polished mar- ble, for instance, is one of the best of materials for a rich man’s house, on ac- count of its expensiveness; but at the same time it is the most cheerless. Other ways in which the associa- tion has been of assistance were in protecting the rich from art dealers who are old masters in deception, book agents de luxe, hand- somely engraved gold-mine promoters and _ lightning- change fashion prestidigi- tators, Contributions to the work of the association are earn- estly solicited, but it is requested that no money be sent, because that is the chief thing that must’ be avoided. The more im- portant needs are steady supplies of domestic felic- Poltceman— Spokesman Policeman— GOOD WAITERS What are you doing here? ‘e are wail at for? Spokesman—Why—for the opening of the Panama Canal! comicbooks.com