Judge — March 14, 1914 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mary Ann and the Merry Andrew ARY ANN drew pictures And took them to the fair, And Mary Ann drew laughter From a Merry Andrew there, She drew the Merry An- ew. It pleased that merry man, And the merry Merry Andrew Wished to marry Mary Ann. “What! Wed a Merry Andrew And rue the sorry day? Ah, no! This Mary Ann, sir, Shall give the answer, ‘Nay. —C. L. Edson. Yellow Jaundice (Three Diagnoses) IR. GEORGE ADE: A man once went Off his Feed, and in a few days Bloomed out in all the Radiance of the Dandelions in the Conserva- tory. He achieved arich Golden Com- plexion, which gave off a mellow Glow not unlike an Italian Sunset. A Physician who surveyed him through Smoked Glasses decided that the patient had Jaundice, so he Fixed up a Prescription. The Dope toned up the patient toa Point where he could Stand Alone, and he forthwith put on a Spring Overcoat and went down to the Poot Hall. On his way home, he ieaned against an ornamental Lamp Post to watch s Parade led by a Band. Some one right up near the Drum Major called attention to the Jaundicee, and there was a Genera! Onslaught. The Patient was borne home on & Shutter, suffering from a bad Relapse. As soon as he was able to open one Eye, he asked the Nurse to bring him the sarsaparilia Calendar which hung inthe Bedroom. He desired to Verify a Growing Suspicion. He very shortly Ascertained that his setback had occurred on the Seven- teenth of the Current Month. Moral—Jaundice Patients should stay st home in March. Dr. George Fitch: Jaundice is a malady during the course of which a man’s yellow streak gradually infolds him. At the height of the troubie a patient resembles Main Street, Hong- Kong, Chins, on county court day. From a strict!y artistic standpoint, nothing presents a happier blending ot colors than a red-headed man with the jaundice, especially if, he hap- pens to be feeling blue. A physician nevee makes a mistake in diagnosing jaundice He is always right, unless he is color-blind. A jaundice patient taking part in a St. Patrick’s Day celebration is a fine exam- ple of a china shop entertaining a bull. Dr. Walt Mason: Jaundice ais sickly joker, which turns flesh tint into ocher, till the patient much resembies a plain Chink. It will make the bravest fellow out and out and downright yellow, such- as Californians favor, I don’t think. Ifa patient with the ‘‘janders’’ ever thought- lessly meanders down to where the “‘wearin’ of the green,”’ it will mean ‘‘good-night’’ and ‘‘curtain,’’ “‘exit,’’ down and out for certain, unless non-Hibernian coppers intervene. —Hinton Gilmore. MOTION Not in Her Wardrobe rr | MUST put on my thinking cap and try to decide this matter,” re. marked Mrs. Wombat. “I've heard of those thinking caps,” said Mrs. Wallaby, ‘‘and must get one of them. Where did you get yours, and how is it trimmed?”” A Good Start Father—And has that young promoter cornered your heart yet? Tessie—No; but he is beginning to hand out that ‘‘one of our representatives will call upon you” line of talk. No mind was ever illumined by read- ing lurid literature. PICTURES comicbooks.com