Judge — March 14, 1914 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

his name a jest. Simeon had been a lad in the ship-chandlery shop, and was bequeathed to Ignatius as an heirloom he could not discard. Simeon had learned all the arts of a manservant that he might cater to Ignatius’s needs expertly, and Ignatius to him was really a hero until dancing and the White Way be- guiled. Ignatius could not remain a reveler late enough to miss Simeon’s care of him when he arrived home, nor could Ignatius by ill-temper or threats on a morning after a night out stem the tide of Simeon'’s warnings and reproaches as he performed his duties. ‘‘It’s coming home ye'll be in an am- bulance, Ignatius, I fear, one of these fine mornings, or ye'll mend ways,’’ was one of his familiar prophecies; but Ignatius would glare at him in defiance and call him everything that an angry fancy dictated. The climax came one morning when Simeon was summoned to his master’s room earlier than usual and was greeted by a growl that would have frightened any one else to flight. “‘Why are ye up so early after the time ye came in?’’ asked Simeon. “None of your business, no talk. Understand?’’ “But ye'll get more than a quick dressing from me, Igna- tius. Ye're fixed at last!" “Fixed?” “I said it. ‘Twas four o'clock when ye came home not knowing th’ day o’ th’ week, an’ th’ cabman an’ meself had trouble in landing ye in bed ye were that beside yerself. An’ but a bit 0’ th’ story I’ve told.” “What else, then, you clumsy blackguard?”’ “I may be clumsy, Ignatius, an’ a blackguard with it all, but I'm no fool like yerself to be doin’ such a thing without All I want is a quick dressing and “vuGH! PIRE WATER GONE” due ceremony an’ you with th’ money. It’s married ye were bechune two days to a tidy bit o’ a woman who ought to sue ye for divorce at th’ beginnin’ 0’ th’ honeymoon!’" “Married?” “She showed me th’ dockymint herself, an’ her own name an’ Ignatius Crableigh’s in it. She came in the same cab, an’ she’s asleep in th’ spare room—little I blame th’ beauty!” If there is to be a House of Crableigh, Fleurette, profes- sional dancer (known at home as Sadie June) will assist in founding it, unless she is willing to compromise. His Turn Mr. McCaudle’s untoward behavior during the evening out was serving as the topic of the customary curtain-lecture, “T trust I have made myself plain,’’ icily continued his better half, in the early stages of her preparations for retiring. Her crushed, downtrodden victim, casting a haggard eye in her direction, gave vent to a hollow chuckle. “Yes, my dear,’’ he assented; ‘‘I cannot but ac- knowledge that you have.”’ And during the period of scornful silence which en- sued, McCaudle dropped off to peaceful slumber. A Willing Demonstrator Rosemary—I wonder how it feels to be back of a funny little mustache like yours, Thornton—I can’t tell you very well, but I will cheerfully show you how it feels to be in front of it. A Speedier Step The chief was berating a patrolman. “Why did you Jet that crook get away from you?” he demanded. ‘‘You saw him enter the house?”’ “Yes, chief."” “‘And you saw him come out?’”” “Yes, chief.”” “Then why didn’t you dance right after him?’’ “I did dance after him,’ protested the patrolman, “‘but you see he was using the tango, and I was using the hesitation.’”