Judge — February 14, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Resolved ! WHEN I get time I'll try to find A man of a contented mind; I'll try to solve some problems which If solved will surely make me rich; I'll try to find why landlords shun A growing child where dogs have run; Why good folk die before their prime, When I get time. When I get time I'll find the man Who never after riches ran; The child whose parents say is bad; The man who’s married and is glad; Why wives are simple Janes, and why Our servant girls have names—oh, my! Why poets scribble springtime rhyme, When I have time. —A. Walter Utting. This Funny Age Crawford — What's the matter with that fellow who is holding onto the lamp- post and shuffling his feet? Crabshaw—There was a time when I'd have said he was drunk, but now perhaps he’s practicing a new dance. The Retreat Anna—Didn’t she have a troop of lov- ers fighting for her? Edna—Yes; but they all beat a retreat. The Light of Love Cora—Were you and Jack in the dark? Dora—Yes, until we struck a match. WHY HAVE AB | bab | TOOTH POWDER 5 | MAKES OLD, SHOPWORN AND SECOND HAND TEETH LIKE NEW POWDER HAS NO EQUAL: MARES WISDOM TEETH ‘SCINTILLATE POWDER Colonel ee] HAD a most satisfactory experience this afternoon,”’ said Colonel Bean- fugle to his wife. ‘You know, I have been owing Blakely a considerable sum for those Havanas I permitted myself to be inveigled into buying several months ago. Well, I went in to-day and paid the entire bill—twenty-seven dollars and thirty cents, Blakely was some sur- Beanfugle THE EASIEST WAY TO KEEP HER Let cook use the car on Thursday afternoons. ONCE YOU USE KILLER'S INSECT POWDER) NOU WAL USEMOOPER | Raise THE DOUGH AND GETA RISE IN LIFE By BUYING Fewivoxen A PACKAGE OF UUnTS PORT ‘ATauL £4 a | PUFFS on Debt Paying prised and pleased, but not half so pleased asI. The older I get, the more satisfac- tion I take in paying my bills. When I have settled some long-standing account like that, a peaceful feeling seems to en- velop my whole personality. The sun- shine seems several degrees brighter, and the breeze is balmier. The birds sing more sweetly, and the world, in short, is just about twenty-five per cent, more enjoyable as a place of resi~ dence than it was before I ridded myself of this incubus of debt.’’ “IT have noticed that myself,’”” said Mrs. Beanfugle. ‘‘And now that you have brought up the sub- ject in such a pleasant way, I wish to tell you that I took this month's grocery allowance to pay for that last fall’s hat, the bill for which has been presented so many times that it has become a decided nui- sance tome. Assoonas I had paid the bill, I noticed the personal uplift which you have described.”” “What in thunder do you mean by such a fool move?” cried Colo- nel Beanfugle. ‘Women don’t seem to have a grain of sense about monetary matters. Do you think my physical construction is of greenbacks instead of flesh and blood? Here I thought I could pay my cigar bill just because we have been sidestepping that millinery bill of yours so neatly, and you’ve gone and taken all the poetry out of my little transaction. Now I've got to go and borrow seventeen dollars just to keep our bank bal- ance balancing. ’’—Arthur Chapman. comicbooks.com