Judge — February 7, 1914 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Passing the Mustard ‘The Difference—Bacon—This paper says aman worth ten million dollars is no hap- pierthanaman worth nine million dollars. Money does not always bring happiness. Egbert—But the man with the ten mil- lion dollars must be happier, for he does not have to worry where that extra mil- lion dollars is coming from.—Yonkers ‘Statesman, Nothing Exclusive—‘‘So you are opposed to grand opera at popular prices?” “Yes. Next they’ll be having terrapin at popular prices and orchids at bargain rates. And then what interest will a rich man have in life?’’—Kansas City Journal. No Fight in Him—Lawyer—I think I can get you a divorce, madam, for cruel and inhuman treatment; but do you think your husband will fight the suit? Woman—Fight! Why, the little shrimp dasn’t even come into a room where I am! —Truth Seeker. Bill Rendered —Dutton—You should pay more attention to your personal appear- ance, old chap. Remember that the clothes make the man. De Broke—Yes; but for me the man refuses to make any more clothes.—Bos- ton Transcript. The Reigning Fad —‘‘How long must I wait for this prescription?’’ “About thirty minutes,’ answered the druggist; ‘‘but you can occupy your time pleasantly. Here is a coupon which en- titles you to admission to our moving- picture show.’’—Pittsburgh Post. Foe of the Short Cut—‘‘Where did the phrase, ‘The longest way ’round is the shortest way home,’ originate?” “I don’t know,” replied the man with amotor. ‘Probably with a traffic police- man.” —Washington Star. Theory — Mrs. Goodsole—Didn’t you learn to be a good citizen in the reform school? Everett Wrest—Yes’m, I learnt it theo- retically; but I ain’t had no practice.— Houston Post. Another Meaning —‘‘After all,” said Kwoter, “‘it’s a true saying that ‘He laughs best who laughs last.’ ”? “Not at all,’’ replied Wise. ‘The really true saying is, ‘He laughs best whose laugh lasts.’ ”"—Catholic Times. Professional Habit — Redd— Does the doctor charge for consultations? Greene—Oh, yes; I asked him how much he was paying for gasoline now, and he sent me a bill for two dollars.— Yonkers Statesman. A teaspoontu mah MP £4 Md. [ABW] GES ago, Thor, the champion of the Scandinavian gods, invaded Jotunheim, the land of the giants, and was challenged to feats of skill by Loki, the king. Thor matched Thialfi, the swiftest of mortals, against Hugi in a footrace. Thrice they swept over the course, but each time Thialfi was hopelessly defeated by Loki’s runner. Loki confessed to Thor afterward that he had deceived the god by enchantments, saying, “Hugi was my thought, and what speed can ever equal his?” But the flight of thought is no longer a magic power of mythical beings, for the Bell Telephone has made it a common daily experience. Over the telephone, the spoken thought is transmitted instantly, direct- ly where we send it, outdistancing every other means for the carrying of messages. In the Bell System, the telephone lines reach throughout the. country, and the thoughts of the people are carried with lightning speed in all directions, one mile, a hundred, or two thousand miles away. And because the Bell System so adequately serves the practical needs of the people, the magic of thought's swift flight occurs 25,000,000 times every twenty-four hours. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One Policy One System Universal Service ONGRESS GOLD EDGES PLAYING CARDS For’ Social Piay A card party—old friends riendships |. Dainty Congress: Cards with their beautiful backs add spirit and tone. Air-Cushion Finish THE U.S.PLAYING CARD BICYCLE CLUB INDEXES PLAYING CARDS For General Play Since Bicycleoutlasts other cards of equal price and outwear many times those costing slightly less, Bicy- thelogicalcardtobuy- Ivory or AirCushion Finish CO.. CINCINNATI. 256 PER PACK U.S.A. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com