Judge, 1914-01-24 · page 21 of 24
Judge — January 24, 1914 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertisements and filler content** rather than political satire. The dominant features are commercial ads for watches, cocktails, sporting magazines, and health remedies—typical of early 20th-century publications. The one notable satirical piece is **"Passing the Mustard,"** a humorous poem by Strickland Gillilan about a hotel teacup that confesses to serving illicit alcohol on Sundays in a "dry town" (likely referencing Prohibition-era temperance laws). The teacup admits it's used as a disguise to conceal "stuff that's green, / Red or yellow"—alcohol—despite appearing innocent. The satire gently mocks both the hypocrisy of dry-town regulations and people's creative workarounds. Brief jokes follow about women's brains, a man kicking his wife instead of a dog, and a "near-humorist's" oyster joke. The page reflects early 1900s advertising culture and mild social humor rather than sharp political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HEN you say, "Here's how" over a Club Cocktail, you attain the ultimate in good drinking. Because Club Cocktails are the finest drink in the world. They're smooth and mellow, with the rare fragrance of selected old liquors, expertly mixed and in wood. Order your particular kind from your dealer today. G. F. HEUBLEIN & BROTHER New York Hartford London “~ YouShouldBeWelland! Happy STE] My invaluable little book tells you SBE] how Nature will restore your birth- right of Health, Success and Heppi- ness—setting forth with many valu- jj able suggestions the way to right living. Ifyou suffer from any form of afford to miss the opport taining this remarkable Send for my free book today HERR WIPFLER, S7 City Bldg..Elmira.N.Y. Watch Fob FREE You like to HUNT and FISH. Then surely you will enjoy the NATIONAL SPORTSMAN Magazine, i illustrated ps flowing with interesting stories and valuable information about guns, fishing tackle, camp-out- rod, dog, rifle and gun. Special Offer you absolutely Free of Charge One of these Handsome Ormula Gold Wateh Fobs with ras leather strap. Don't Delay—Send your order Today. NATIONAL SPORTSMAN, 32 Federal St., Boston, Mass. Passing the Mustard The Hotel Teacup’s Secret It was but a hotel teacup, Not expected thus to speak up And converse with human beings who im- bibed their chicory; Yet it gave a wicked wink, As I started in to drink— “Wicked,” did I say? Begorry, it was tough as hickory! “Now, what's bit you, cup of mine? Queried I, quick to divine It had something on its conscience that it fain would spill, I wist. Then the teacup slyly chuckled, While the menial who truckled Full of tipful hopes about me was impa- tiently dismissed. I would hearken to the tale Of this grimed, unholy grail, That by lips of folks unnumbered had been oft and often kissed. “I'm a wild and wayward cup,”’ Said the vessel, leering up. “In the cloak of caffeine innocence I mask me all the week: But when Sunday comes—hurray ! Do not give my snap away !— I am used for other purposes of which we may not speak. For my curved walls stand between Prying eyes and stuff that’s green, Red or yellow, as the order comes, despite my aspect meek.’’ Now whene’er my coffee cup By its handle I take up, I imagine I can hear it slyly chuckling, see it wink. For it knows that I am wise To its use as a disguise, When on ‘‘dry town’’ Sunday evenings it is used for stiffer drink. —Strickland Gillilan,in Indianapolis Star. Crabbed—Crabb—A speaker in Syracuse said that the women of to-day are not using their brains, Mrs. Crabb—She’s right. If they were, there wouldn’t be so many getting mar- ried.— Buffalo Express, Quite Different—Ned—They say a mer- ciful man is merciful to his beast. Ted—That’s right. Ned—Then your brother is not merci- ful. I saw him kick his dog. Ted—Oh, that wasn’t his dog. his wife’s.— Yonkers Statesman. It was A Near-humorist—‘‘Pa, what is a near- humorist? “‘A near-humorist, son, is a person who says, when he finds an oyster in a stew, ‘Well, well, little stranger, what are you doing here?’ "—Birmingham Age-Herald. RING WATER. jo It Famous.” 50c. per case of 6 glass stoppered bottlealsdy.) In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. !t will be appreciated. Just Out! New “Block” Monograms! The latest idea in watch cases. Superbly beauti- ful. Your own monogram in handsome Block design (many de- signs to choose from), engraved in the superd gold strata case. The newest thing Just conceived and offered d- rect to you. Read Below The superb Burlington Special now at the DIRECT rock-bottom price—the same price that even the wholesale jeweler must pay. You may secure one of these superb timepieces—a watch of the very latest model, popular new thin design, adjusted to the second—19 jewels—adjusted to positions AND temperature AND isochronism— the most perfect product of the, worl's most expert watch manufacturers—at the price that even wholesale jewelers must pay—and in order to encourage everybody to secure this watch at once, pay this rock-bottom price, either for or $2.50 a month! We send the watch on approval, prepaid. Yourisk absolutely nothing-5ou pay nothing-not one cent, unless you want this ezceptional offer after seeing and thoroughly inspecting the watch. Read the coupon below. New Ideas in Watch Cases! Open face or hunting case, ladies’ or gentle- ‘seizes. These can be had in the newest ideas: m ‘or any emblem on the other side. complete illustration. the coupon below. Write For Free Watch Boo Learn the inside facts about watch prices, a and tbe many superior point of the urlington over double-priced pro- ducts. "Just send the coupon or FREE a letter ora postal. Get this 40% Book Coupon offer while it lasts, B ‘Watch Co. a arlington Wat Beaterwon Were Co th St. and Marshall Blvd. Marshall Blvd. .9* Dept. 2471 Chicago, IIL Chicago _ge®* Please send me (without obligation and 2471 go Cash of 40's month offer on the Burlington Watch. $5022 A WEEK CLEAR PROFIT FOR YOU In the minute picture business. Everybody buys. Fairs, picnics, | | offer you an unlimite field.” No experience needed. $1200 Starts You in your own business that will easily W.0'03 majoeeyl ' comicbooks.com