Judge — January 24, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

If you must break the speed laws, take the right person along to intercede for you The Eugenic Baby REDESTINED to a blameless life Before his hour of birth, Without the ills of common clay, Or sins of wicked earth, He never kicked, he never cried, He never teased the cat, But lay and slept the hours away, And gathered pounds of fat. He never needed medicine, He did as he was told, His pa and ma was proud of him Till he was ten years old. And then, alas! for all their dreams Of mortals bred by rule, Eugenics got a knockout blow— They found he was a fool. Minna Irving. What if She Had Been Hungry? Miss Sweetlie—Now, May, dear, this lunch ison me. I insist, even if we did just happen to meet in the doorway com- ing in. You are to lunch with me, and there will be one check for both of us. May—How dear of you, Belle! But, really, I want almost nothing at all. We had breakfast unusually late this morn- ing, and I made some candy after that and ate a lot of it, and then I ate some fruit, and when the cook made a cake, she sent me up a little trial cake she had made. So, really, Belle, I have hardly any appe- tite at all; but you order all you want, and I'll sort of nibble along with you. Let’s see. The squabs they serve here are always delicious. I think I'll have one and some Delmonico potatoes. I don’t know of any place where they are quite so nice as they are here. Then I guess I'll have a fruit salad and— Oh, did you ever try their lobster Newburg here? It’s delicious! I'll have an order of that, and I don’t know but I'll have a banana fritter with wine sauce and a pot of cocoa with whipped cream; and for dessert, dear, I don’t think I want a thing but a sultana roll with claret sauce and the usual crackers and cheese. Truly, dear, I’m not a bit hungry, and I’m eat- ing as much to keep you company as any- thing else. Oh, yes! I don’t know but I will have an order of assorted cake with the sultana roll. Positively, dear, that is everything I want, for, as I say, 1 am hardly # bit hungry. —3sfaxr Merryman. Why Not? Zoology teacher—Edgar, what is the highest form of animal life? Edgar—The giraffe. Poor Engincering T° LEARN the tango Harry had an itch, But all his labored efforts were in vain; His clumsy hands misplaced the lady’s switch, His awkward feet completely wrecked her train! The Mother Tongue “Does Miss De Gabb resemble her mother?”” “Not so much at first sight; but when she begins to talk, there’s a speaking likeness."” As Everybody Knows ‘‘How are you modern women on the skirt question?’’ asked the ancient shade. “Divided !’’ bawled the young potential spirit, informatively. The Tie That Binds Wife—I am a bundle of nerves! Sympathetic husband—Well, so long as the string doesn’t break, you will be all right, my dear! A man cannot always be known by his looks, for he may be cross-eyed. comicbooks.com