Judge, 1914-01-17 · page 9 of 24
Judge — January 17, 1914 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Content: "The Man I Am"** This is a monologue by a character named McFee defending himself against unspecified charges (possibly bank burglary, per the text). The satire critiques how people are defined by contradictory judgments from others—his wife calls him an angel, his sister a fool, his brother a mule, his business partner an owl, his competitors a fox, his clerks a hustler. McFee ironically concludes he's a "menagerie" yet merely "an average man." The piece satirizes early 20th-century workplace culture and family dynamics: how the same person receives wildly different characterizations depending on observer perspective and self-interest. It suggests the impossibility of self-definition in modern society. **Secondary Content:** "A Domestic Dictionary" offers humorous definitions of household terms (keyhole, flat, mother-in-law) that mock domestic life and marriage. "The Good Samaritan" cartoon (bottom) and brief poems complete the page with additional light domestic humor targeting relationships and fashion trends. The overall effect: gentle satire on American middle-class identity and domestic life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Man I Am =] AKE a look at me,” chal- lenged McFee, assuming the air and attitude of » one who has been charged with bank burglary and hopes to have the charges proved. ‘Take a look at 5 me, for I am a won- derful creature—a queer compound of caught-with-the-goods in- congruities—a marvelous mass of mixed metaphor. And yet, incidentally, be- tween you, me and the latest popular song, I am the same as you or your brother Bill (except that Bill has a glass eye and a wooden leg) and your neighbor (the one on the right-hand side, who either carefully clusters or carelessly clut- ters the stray papers on your lawn). “My wife says I’m an angel—when I conform to her schemes. “‘My sister says I’m a fool—because I please my wife. “Brother Pete says I'm a mule—be- cause I won’t take him into business with me. “Brother Frank says I’m dull-witted— because I stick to my own particular line of trade and can’t write humor, like he does. “My business partner says I’m an owl —because my wise counseling has made our affairs prosper. “My oldest boy says I’m a weasel—be- cause I made him use some elbow grease in getting together college expenses, “Some neighbors say I’m a spendthrift —because I use for pleasure the automo- bile I bought for business, “My competitors say I’m a fox—be- cause my acquired shrewdness enables me many times to get in ahead of them. “My clerks say I’m a hustler —because I’m the first man in the office and the last out. “More neighbors say I’m lazy—because I spend my spare time at home instead of in the gossip headquarters. “Now, then, aren’t you awed at me? Don’t you feel like paying admission to see me? And don’t you think red lemon- ade and popcorn venders should accompany me wherever I go? For I’m a menagerie, old man. I'm a sly dog, a wise owl, a keen fox, a regular bear, a smooth rabbit, a sloth, a mule, a beaver, a bird, a dear, a wea- sel—a perfect zoo. “And yet I’m far from fero- cious. I’m only an average man.’’—Artemus Ward Utting. A Domestic Dictionary KEYHOLE—Asmallaperture concealed in the midst of six Scotch highballs, a door, an early hour in the morning, three Mamie Taylors, two old college chums, a full house and a cold welcome. Flat—Fourteen by sixteen feet of space entirely surround- ed by cornet practice, phonograph recit- als, neighbors’ confidences, whooping cough, domestic warfare and five-finger exercises. Mother-in-law—The administrator of domestic affairs, who exercises the veto THE GOOD SAMARITAN MY Qed ant wy = A PRACTICAL TEST Mamie—Do you love me very much, Billy? Billy—Oh, lots an’ lots, Mamie. Mamie—Do—do you love me a moving-picture show, Billy ? privilege on measures going through the house, Flatiron—A bit of wifely repartee with impressive point. * Income—Two-thirds of expenditure. Dinner--A warm repast which becomes cold while the eleventh-inning tie is being played off. Expenses—Income plus credit. Furnace—A device for the conversion of coal into drafts. Club—A collection of round tables designed as a substitute for the family circle. Chalk line—The jaggiest distance between two points. Twins—Excess baggage in the train of the stork. —Stuart B. Stone. Fashion's Changeling Embroidered her stocking— Hers, demurest of prudes— . Of the frankest her frocking! Embroidered her stocking, And where once was the clocking A jewel obtrudes. Embroidered her stocking— Hers, demurest of prudes! —Stokely 8. Fisher. To the Greek all things are Greecy. comicbooks.com ©