Judge, 1913-12-27 · page 8 of 25
Judge — December 27, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects humorous brief anecdotes and quips typical of *Judge* magazine's satirical format. **"Waiting for the New Year's Mail"** (top illustration) shows women holding mailboxes, satirizing the New Year custom of receiving greeting cards and correspondence. **"New Year's Notions of Notabilities"** pairs historical/legendary figures with humorous anecdotes about New Year's behavior—Miles Standish avoiding asking for a raise himself, Lucretia Borgia poisoning eggnog, Baron Munchausen breaking a resolution to stop lying when the tax assessor arrives (implying he lies to avoid taxes), and Methuselah holding the longevity record for celebrating New Years. **"Defying the Militants"** references the British suffragette movement—a cabby explains a "silk-hatted" man arrested by police isn't a criminal but a prominent statesman, humorously equating suffragettes with lawbreakers. Other sections contain wordplay: "The Drama of Dirt" jokes that "thin" people experience "lean years," while "Reassuring" features a waiter insisting the customer's chops are fine—it's another diner's fish that's bad. The page is primarily humor and light satire rather than hard political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
New Year's Notions of Notabilitics MILES STANDISH, when having in mind to apply for a raise at the be- ginning of the year, it is said, always engaged an- i, a other person to do the ask- 75 ing. Galileo is said to have (i. = first conceived the idea of a the pendulum by observ- = ing the swaying movement é ( F of a rounder returning home on New Year's morn. Lucretia Borgia, it is declared, was ac- customed to putting corrosive sublimate in her New Year's eggnog bowl. Baron Munchausen once made a resolu- tion to cease lying. The baron is said to have stuck to it until the tax assessor came around on the eighteenth of January. Diogenes, encountering a man in the streets of Athens who confessed himself undeserving of a raise in wages with the New Year, temporarily extinguished the lantern in the belief that the great search was ended. Solomon is said to have once contracted a severe case of sore throat from attempt- ing to greet each member of the harem with the “‘Happy New Year’’ bromide. St. George is said to have seen the fa- mous dragon after having made twenty- one New Year's calls at homes where punch bowls were in evidence. Mohammed, after remaining at home all New Year’s Day, in the hope that the mountain would call, sallied forth and called upon the mountain. Methuselah holds the record for watch- ing new years come in.—Stuart B. Stone. Roles for Players Swat a little fly and gain a little health; Trim alittle lamb and graba little wealth; Run a little bluff and snatch a little fame. In these three you'll have the cards To win life’s little game.—Nate Twine. Peroxide makes the blonde grow blonder. WAITING FOR THE NEW YEAR'S MAIL Defying the Militants Tourist (in London)—It certainly took a bunch o’ bobbies to arrest that silk- hatted guy! What did he do? Cabby —W'y, that bleedin’ blighter hain't pinched; ’e’s a heminent states- man goin’ to luncheon! About Poetry There isn’t much in writing poetry. Big pay for clever rhyming is a myth. A very lucky bard, indeed, is he Whose Ode to Keats pays what he owed to Smith. After the Ceremony Bridegroom—Didn't I look like a fool when I was at the altar rail? Best man—No; but any one could see that you were not yourself, A Tearful Affair HE bride read the recipe over and said, “I'm really afraid that these onions are strong; And it says, ‘Under water's the best way to peel them,’ But I never can stay under water that long.’” Heard at the Club “Young Hardupp says his grandfather was one of the first settlers."’ “Not inherited, evidently; never settles. The Drama of Dirt Madge—The plays of to-day are not worth going to see. Marjorie—But look at what you hear! Hardupp To the thin all years are lean years. REASSURING The «waiter—No, your chops are all right, sir. - It's that other gentleman's fish, comicbooks.com